I think its safe to say Pembroke is a contender for offering the best sea cliff trad climbing in the world, having 7 guidebooks to cover its areas, courtesy of Emma Alsford and Paul Donnithorne. There is also a ton of potential for new development, even on some of the more popular and famous sections.  
I’ve done a lot of climbing at Gogarth over the years, but at risk of getting slagged by some North Waleans I have to say Gogarth doesn’t have a tenth of the amount of Pembroke and the quality of the Pembroke routes are generally higher (sorry George et al). Some of the beaches such as Broadhaven and Flimston Bay are surely some of the finest swim spots on earth too, so long as the chavs aren’t there.
The MOD bans are off in August making it a good month to spend some time here allowing access to most areas. There is a wide variety of routes on offer, techy slabs on Carreg Y Barcud and the White Tower, pump fest clip ups on Mother Careys, choss fests by the Green Bridge, bizarre and frightening runnel climbing in Huntsmans Leap and endless cracks and exposed routes that appear highly exposed and improbable at the given grades.

​I remember my first trip to Pembroke in 1998 with Wez and Hock. We’d been at a BICC comp in Bristol which Hock had come 2nd at to Neil Carson before we went out to a club and I blew most of my money meant for the trip. Wez had borrowed his mums Seat which he nearly wrapped around the tight bend just after St Petrox’s. Camping in the free field and living on Weetabix we got stuck into some of the classics, Butcher, John Wayne, Get some in, Yellow Pearls, Sunlover. The owners of St Govans took pity on us and gave us free games of snooker and we had our first tea leaved tea at Ma Westons Old World Café. Ma Weston herself was still serving tea well into her 90s and I’d often wonder what it was like to have lived through so much and with so many changes in the world during that time.
I’ve done a ton of trips since, alone and with friends. I can’t think of anywhere else I’ve climbed with so many great routes. On the last day of a trip in 2003 I remember soloing the Ducking Stool and being chuffed I could squeeze through a hole on the 2nd pitch, the swimming out of the Leap to solo Star Wars and being nervous of seals in the water, then arriving at Ma Westons later that afternoon and Tim Emmet talked me into going back into the Leap to DWS Hunter Killer. Me, Tim and Barry Durstan abbed in, Tim made light work of it, then Barry set off and was busting a gut to stay on, making me think about a very real prospect of pitching into the dark water of Huntsmans Leap when it was late in the day and not an appealing prospect.
Up until last year I’d always had a good run of luck in Huntsmans Leap, having onsighted the E7s, most of the E6s and E5s, admittedly only just on a few of them. Terminal Twilight was dank and at the end of a long wknd with Pete Robins, a very impressive lead from Pat Littlejohn without chalk. NIghtseeker had lost a block and felt E7 and Dusk till dawn was a poor warm up. Pickford had assured me there was a good keyhole RP4 halfway up the runout on Boat to Naxos and I remember cursing him when it failed to materialise.
 I was thinking I might have stood a chance of doing all of the routes here in good style but as it turned out some e5 at the bottom of the Leap on the left gave me an undignified kicking, I probably deserved it on the karma front.
Roll on 2020 and I’d given up on trying the hardest ones without an abseil check and to get my aged and abused body up these routes would require all mod forms of cheating. After abseiling Nothing to Fear a couple of times I grabbed a belay off Ryan and assured him it would be a great warm up for him, it’s probably the scariest of the Leap ones, having a punchy start and serious ending, I don’t know what Crocker was on to give it E7. I was glad the chemistry between myself and Ryan was still there, early in lockdown I’d put a facebook post out late one evening, touting Ryan as a lovely Lancastrian, and putting his number up for potential date offers. I turned my phone off and went to bed and when I woke up I found what I thought was impossible…Ryan was angry. He’d obviously missed some of the nuance in the post. 

​Later that day I belayed my fellow Cumbrian, Emma Twyford on the E8, Do you know where your children are. I first climbed with Emma when she was 12, her dad, Paul had come up to me to say she wanted to climb with me and she wanted to lead an E1. I got her straight on the sharp end on the Grasp at Shepherds crag, and after taking a couple of lead falls she got up it. She obviously loved climbing and the last few years its been quite something to see her hit pretty unstoppable form. She obviously pissed up this Leap E8, as its only E8, and I enjoyed seconding.
Ryan was on top form during this trip, certainly not at placing wires, he was dreadful at that. It’s well worth observing and timing him in action at the moment, he can’t place a piece of protection within ten minutes and if he gets one in within 20 minutes it is likely to blow when he weights it. We’d talked about firing him up on the onsight of Chupacabra, which requiring little gear to place I’d have had money on him getting close. Ryan also brought a new word to my vocabulary, “Alpinewanker”, all one word. I saw this as a beautiful thing indeed and much slagging ensued, but privileged toffs and spoilt brats gave too easy a target so it didn’t last long. 
Later this trip a lesson was had on the value of helmets. After the crux on Aristocracy in Raming Hole I reached up for a big quartz jug, as my fingers gripped it i grinned for a second, it was a sinker and i thought I 'was in', a second later it came off, as did I, the quartz jug landed on Dan Mcmanus  helmet and he held my fall. If he'd not had a helmet on we would both have been in trouble.
During this trip Bob Hickish and co were exploring the Underworld sea cave for DWS. This was an E8 of Vicker’s and Bransbys and Bob had DWS as did Howard. It looked huge and fairplay to Bob for really pushing this realm of climbing here, a real searcher. Pat Hill and Jim Pope (the Duracell boys) were also here, doing lots of classics, Pat had mentioned I had a horrible rat. I’d not given it thought before but he was right, it was an evil bastard, all too often going too far.
A week later and we were all back in Pembroke, not able to resist the good forecast. I’d dodged a bullet which hit Ryan. A few days before going Georgia had asked to climb in Pembroke, I thought it through for a split second before realising her glacial pace of climbing had meant she’d run out of willing belayers from Sheffield. Ryan was the last climber in Sheffield who hadn’t clocked it and would have to belay the ponderous sloth. When they came back to the campsite at the end of each day and said they’d done 2 routes I figured they must have really been stepping on the gas. My favourite DJ was not my favourite belay. 

​Back in the Leap with Twyford I led the one I’d seconded her up and Ray Woods words “We are all victims of our own desires” resonated through my pumped forearms. We were down Pembroke for John Bunneys 50th birthday and I myself felt around 75, luckily when I looked at Bunney I felt better about feeling old as he looked at least thrice his real age. Afterwards we looked at Chupacabra and I was pleasantly surprised to toppy the headwall ok. I could see that I had been missing a trick over the years, Pembroke really is the ideal place for cheating on hard routes and best of all, everyone’s doing it. I guess Tony ‘the top rope’ Stone did seem to be doing it more than anyone else though. I think the E8s and 9s get more headpoint ascents than onsights of E6s (apart from the piss ones) and I guess this is because its safer and sounds better to have led an e8 or e9 than to have had a hard time on an e6.
 Ben Bransby made the first ascent of Chupacabra after minimal inspection and did a very bold lead, missing out a good cam placement which would have meant a monster fall if he’d blown it on the crux. Emma had been climbing hard for a few days and must have been tired but on the last day strapped it on anyway. I was pretty impressed as the sea was coming in and only ten metres away from me (the belayer) added to the pressure. She pissed through the crux runout and it looked like she was in, but a foot blew on the techy final slab. She said “oh well” and pulled back on to climb to the top. I had to get piss wet feet to access the base of the climb for the second and was more impressed than if she’d led it clean tbh, just by giving it a go and not worrying about it. On a more critical note I think she should do some more onsighting rather than top roping though, if you are 9a fit you can definitely onsight more than 1 easy e6 over the course of a few years, or else a nickname of 'too much top roping twyford' might be brought in.

​I’ll be back to climb this one myself and will be more than twice the age of Bransby “my perfect partner” when he led it. I went here to try it on a weekend of perfect weather and was astounded to find a queue on it, Emma, Tony Stone and Nick Duboust all keen on trying it. Tony put 4 pieces of 3mm cord through a thread near the crux move (most people place a cam here which gets in the way of your fingers a bit on the crux). I think it will make it a better route IMO and was looking forward to Bransby going nuts about it as he’s always banging on about in-situ threads, but he didn’t seem arsed.
  Emma did a very good lead on it, having had a foot pop on the set up into the crux she reset herself and carried on to the top, having slipped off the top slab once this would have felt ‘heady’. Tony tested his new thread with the biggest fall you can take and Nick fell off the easy slab moves above the big thread!. The next day Tony polished it off and after a couple of good efforts Nick almost did it, lobbing off the final slab. Although I rib Tony about top roping he is one of the silent heros of UK trad onsighting, having done shitloads. I’d given up on trying it and snuck off to climb Eat, Drink and beat Gary (well worth doing) on the outside of the Leap. Although Chupacabra is a safe outing I can feel the pressure of Bransby laughing at me if I blow it, like a demon perched on a shoulder hoping for a foot to slip. Git. 
 
Some general top routes I’d recommend here are: Preposterous Tales, White Heat, Dreaming Again, Crimes of Passion, Honeymonster, Trevallen Pillar, Dusk till dawn, Nightflight, Orange robe burning, Free Masonry, Silver shadow but tbf most of the ones here are pretty damn great.
Get to Pembroke.

​When Lorna Hargreaves from Vertebrate Publishing got in touch about reviewing the 4th edition of Hard Rock, compiled by Ian Parnell I jumped at the opportunity. When Ian had said that he was redoing Hard Rock I was worried it might be a flop, like the BMCs ill fated ‘Climb Britain’ rebrand which was taken as well as if radio 4 said they were going to change the name of the Archers. 

​  To say Ian was stepping into big shoes would be an understatement. Ken Wilsons love of UK climbing is shown in many of his publications and particularly the trilogy, Classic, Hard & Extreme Rock which have helped inspire generations of climbers. The list of routes which appear in each were chosen according to Ken:
“Certainly there are many qualities that contribute to a climbs reputation: history, singleness of line or, conversely, subtle complexity, good rock, good position, interesting technique, length, consistent difficulty, inescapability, commitment- all are qualities that one looks for, and each of the climbs in this book can lay claim to one or more of these merits”.
 
To be fair to Ian Parnell, he’s done a hell of a job.
   The front cover of Mary Jenner on Central Buttress, Scafell in atmospheric conditions is very apt, with the 1st ascent in 1914 by Herford and co being a testament to both youthful boldness and a precursor to the ‘abseil inspections’ that would become common for cutting edge routes many decades later. It is the earliest of the Hard Rock routes with most of the others done from 1930/40s onwards. The climb itself also has an element of tragedy with Herford dying only a few years after the first ascent in WW1, aged 24 and on the climb itself  when the critical chockstone fell out whilst climbers were on it in 1994, killing one of them.
    On a less serious note the front cover is also funny because Marys partner Dave Birkett will be gutted its not him on the cover, as he once mentioned to the climber on the front of the most recent Scafell guide, George Ullrich how he wanted it to be him. The back cover is another great shot with Heart of Darkness at Mowing Ward, highlighting the coming of age of sea cliffs in the UK with Pembroke being a contender for the best of its type in the world. 

​  The main content of the book is still there with gripping essays from the likes of Jimmy Marshall, Ed Drummond, Pete Crew, Royal Robbins, Chris Bonnington, Martin Boysen on some all time routes such as Carnivore, Old man of Hoy, Dream of white horses, Great wall (cloggy), Cenotaph Corner.
However, Ian has made some logical changes with some routes having fallen down and with routes such as Main Overhang at Kilnsey (now Mandela) and Scoop having free versions and which would now belong in the Extreme Rock genre. There are 13 new routes with pieces written about them. Some of the new ones are quite inspired. 
Prophecy of Drowning, on Pabbay is thought by Scottish guidebook writer, Gary Latter to have the best rock in Scotland on it. It is fitting that the piece about this climb is by Ellie Fuller, one of the 4 creators of the notorious and brilliant Women’s Trad Festival. The final paragraph of Ellies account sums up much of what can be great about climbing some of the routes in the book, and given from the perspective of someone who is a member of the next generation of climbers:
 “This is why you are here. Prophecy of Drowning is far more than the sum of its parts. In fact, the climbing is at times the least memorable aspect. It is about finishing up this imposing feature, with the sun on your back, the sea beneath your feet and seals playing in the waves far below. It is the satisfaction and glow of time shared with another, navigating a challenge in a remote and wildly beautiful location with no one but a handful of other climbers for miles and miles. It is time stretching on as you lose yourself in marbled gneiss walls jutting out over the waves, between the blue of the Hebridean sea and the sky”.
 
There are 2 more Scottish mainland additions. One is on the much acclaimed but tricky to get to, Beinn Eighe, with the route Angel Face given a great write up by the sadly recently deceased Martin Moran. The other is Vulcan wall on the Isle of Skye by another one of the most prolific Scottish pioneers, Kev Howett. Anyone who has been to Beinn Eighe or clung onto the Gabbro of skye in its amazing landscape will give these the thumbs up. 

​The Lakes additions are also safe choices, with Nimrod on Dow crag having some fantastic rock and Totalitarian on Raven Thirlmere also being well deserved of belonging in Hard Rock (if it’s not too dirty) and an appropriate substitute for North Crag Eliminate on the opposite side of the valley which has fallen down. Rigor Mortis, Hiddenite, The Niche and Bonzai Pipeline are great routes nearby which are of a similar level if you are making a trip of it. If Niall has been training hard during the Great Lockdown he might be able to free one of these Lakes routes, however much Bullocks been doing he’s no chance. It’s also worth noting that many of the Lakes routes will be found to be too tough for trustafarians.
A key addition and an area where I’ve often recommended it to people as the best sea cliff climbing areas in the world is Pembroke. Ian did well to get the input of Emma Alsford and Paul Donnithorne who wrote the excellent definitive guidebooks for Pembroke. Although I slagged off traverses at the start of this review I will be putting the Heart of Darkness and Plane Sailing on the ticklist and finishing a route at Stackpole or Mowing Ward with the evening sun on your back is hard to beat. Rock Idol and Zeppelin give 2 of the best wild sea cliff pump fests to be found in the UK too, with other great routes like Wraith and Airship nearby.  

​Paul Harrison has had a justifiable long love affair with Lundy, going there year after year and having produced the recent brilliant most recent guidebook to it. The 2 routes he’s chosen are exceptional routes in amazing rock architecture. Double Diamond sits next to the Cullinan as the front cover of the Lundy guidebook, it gives stunning technical crack and face climbing on a granite plinth on the attached arch of the Battery (see pic). Quatermass in Deep Zawn, gives 2 great pitches in forbidding surroundings. Lundy has much of the best granite in the South West and the small island is a wonderful place to stay. To get the most out of your trip be sure to try not to deck out during your stay.
   The new ones in the South, Mars and Soul Sacrifice at Swanage I don’t know too much about but as Dave Pickford has spent a good deal of his life doing classic routes all over the world you can bet these are high quality and his ability with the written word is 2nd only to Shakespeare. I’ll probably wait until one of the cave parties is back on and try to do them before that. 

​ The pictures in the book bring it into the modern era, although I do enjoy some of the atmospheric black and whites from back in the day. Ian has obviously put in a huge amount of work in getting pictures to do the climbs justice, as well as contacting other photographers and friends to use their images in the book. A personal favourite of mine is Will Birkett on page 93, normally found at the front of a dance floor with is shades on and top off I found it strange seeing him in a different setting but as you can see by the pic, Will still looks like he is dance floor.
Ians managed to give an old school book a new school makeover that makes you want to grab a friend or 2 and go and try some of them. The new pieces and pictures help highlight some of the best climbs to be found in the UK, combining the rich histories of prior generations with the new adventures to be found on sea cliffs like Pabbay and Pembroke. Hopefully the new book will help inspire people from the next generation to sample the marvellous delights of UK climbing. Its certainly made me keen for another trip to Pabbay, Pembroke, Swanage and Scotland, if any friends are keen for a trip once we are able drop me a line.
Top effort from Ian Parnell, Vertebrate, the contributors and of course to Ken Wilson.
  
 

  He was stocky, unsurprisingly really as he’d lugged rocks around for much of his life. He had a fairly wide face, curly dark and unruly hair which went grey to white with age. One of his eyes didn’t really work, the story he gave was that in the 1960s during a pub fight involving numerous people, he pushed a guy out of the back door when a few people banged against the door trapping his head in it, the guy he’d chucked out came and smashed a bottle across his head, which damaged his eye. His physical characteristics were considerably outweighed by is key defining feature, his ability to talk. On leaving the house in Keswick once to go climbing down Langstrath I remember returning home flabberghasted at his ability to talk, non stop, all day, some kind of circular breathing going on.   
Stories about friends who were climbing in Newlands valley in the 60s when one fell 100 feet and the belayer who was belaying with the rope around the waste was more injured than the climber. About pushing someones brain back into their skull who had taken a bad fall, about Pete Whillance being unbelievably bold and taking 100+ foot falls off Top gear and Life in the fast lane. Histories of Millican Dalton living in his cave in the side of Castle Crag, the Abraham brothers and their Victorian climbing photography and endless stories of the Lakeland mountains.

​   Every time we went to Carlisle he’d always have to tell us about the time he climbed Dixons chimney and left pyjamas on top for a bet and that it used to be 30 feet higher. He’d say how when he was first getting into climbing he soloed Kern Knotts crack, a VS and that some people in the Carlisle climbing club thought he’d be dead within 3 months.  
  He loved Borrowdale and would often be at Shepherds café when he wasn’t building footpaths for the National Trust. He said climbing had saved him from a life of trouble and from some of his stories it sounded probable. He used to be a ‘Teddy’ boy and when sat in the pub with some fiends once a guy wanted to have a fight called Erton Cole. It was rumoured that Erton had killed someone and Ray was bricking it. They left the pub and when walking down some steep steps to the area they meant to fight Ray kicked Erton in the back, down the stairs and beat him unconscious. A few weeks later they saw each other and Erton said it was lucky Ray had done it as he would have killed him otherwise.  Ray said that they became friends but I found this hard to believe.
   Back to the Borrowdale valley. Anyone who has been there can see why you’d fall in love with it. It must be the greenest valley in the Lakes. I hitched a ride from Ambleside to Keswick many times in the late 90s and one time an artist picked me up, they said that many artists struggled to paint the valley as there was just so much to take in. 

  ​   Ray did his first new climbs in Borrowdale in 1962. Voodoo, a HVS on Gowder crag with a guy called A Kew and Rays lifelong friend, Lez Kendall. That same year he climbed the Niche and Interloper with Adrian Liddell. The Niche is actually a great route and fairplay to them doing it in 62 as routes like this and Paul Ross’ and Pete Lockeys climb Post Mortem in 1956 would have been exceptional pushes with the kit they had back then. The Falcon crags (lower and upper) in Borrowdale are much under rated. The rock is normally good and it gets a lot of afternoon and evening sun and fantastic views over Derwentwater and Bassenthwaite Lake. Some great routes to do here are the Niche, Dedication, Plagiarism, Kidnapped, Illusion, Usurper, the Joke, Dry Grasp and Route 1.
From 1962 if you look in the back of the Borrowdale guidebook you’ll see his name on many first ascents with a good find of a now popular cliff in the early 90s which is well worth a visit, Sergeant Crag Slabs. He did quite a few first ascents on here, Lakeland Cragsmen, Endurance, Holly Tree crack and Death stroke are well worth a walk for. His partner for these was Joe Bosher who was one of the nicer guys I’ve bumped into and who also very generously gave me my first set of RPs as a gift.
   Ray worked in a wood factory in Carlisle before he moved to Keswick and soon after married Margaret (mum) and became known as ‘Mac’. Workwise he’d do everything from rock climbing guiding, labouring, building, working for the water board, slide shows to eventually working for the National Trust building footpaths for many years. After getting home from work my main memory of him was watching him stand with his back to the fire in the living room and often saying to me and my sisters, Jennifer and Heather “I’ve had a hard day on the hill” followed shortly by advice to get an office job when we grew up.
   He had his smelly ropes and climbing gear stashed under the stairs and mum would often tell him off for leaving a mess. He also had a fondness for fry ups and would use the same oil/fat in the frying pan for weeks, gammon, bacon, sausages, eggs, beans and a ton of butter were staples.
  He didn’t drive so his main transport was a push bike or else talking mum into dropping him off or friends picking him up. When I was a kid I thought he was weird biking down the valley all the time to go climbing, although some Sundays when my mum and sisters were at the Jehovahs Witness meetings he would sometimes take me for walks over hills like Walla crag I would really enjoy.
   To supplement his National Trust wage he’d do 3 slide shows a week in the Moot Hall (church like building in the main square in Keswick, used to be a market place back in the day). The 3 shows were; Walking the Lakeland fells, Climbs and fells of Lakeland and the last was Lakeland in Winter. For quite a few years I pressed the button on the projector for him and could probably recite the talks even now.
  A story which stuck with me in his climbing show was one regarding one of the UKs great climbers. The story went…
 
“I was at Shepherds crag one day when a guy came up to me and said”
“Hows it going? Do you fancy doing something hard?”
Dad wondered who this guy was and pointed him up a hard route.
He climbed up to a hard bit with dad belaying before shouting down
“Is it alright if I fall off?”
Dad couldn’t believe his ears, being from an era of ‘the leader never falls’
He shouted back “Pardon?”
The guy shouted with more urgency “Is it ok for me to fall off?”
He fell and lowered to dad saying “I don’t mind falling off”
He got back on and did it fine next go.
A week later dad was in the pub and a guy with long hair came up to him and said
“Eye, eye, I hear you’ve been climbing with Douggie”
Dad said “He fell off!”
The guy with long hair said “Douggie Hall is one of the best climbers in Britain, he falls off every week”
 
At this point the audience would normally laugh but for me I was just starting to get into climbing and the story seeded the idea of the importance of facing the fear of falling.
  His favourite climb which he did well over 1000 times was on Black crag in Borrowdale, Troutdale Pinnacle. It is a brilliant and varied climb and most times I’m in the valley I try and do it too although I doubt I’m into triple figures yet. He was also known for climbing the classic Shepherds route, Little Chamonix in boxing gloves and roller skates.
When developing new routes on Grange crag there was some competition from other climbers, Colin Downer and Chris Bacon. Apparently Colin had heard dad was keen on doing some new ones that he had wanted to do and was incensed, he found out where dad lived and got Chris to cover the back door incase ray tried to et away. As it turned out after they talked they became friends and ended up doing quite a few new routes together. 

​In 1989 I would have been 8 and he took me and my sisters, Heather and Jennifer to Wodens face where we did a new route (probs done before) called Family outing. I remember crying and not enjoying it much which may have disappointed him somewhat, it wasn’t for another 7 years when I asked him to take me up Troutdale Pinnacle when it clicked what climbing had to offer. I remember we were alone, and there was snow on the ground on the way down that was slippy as hell in rock shoes. Soon after I’d second him on other routes, often in shit weather, Mandrake on Quayfoot, Illusion on Falcon and could be heard shouting at him that the he’d put the damn wires in too hard as I struggled to get them out.
I remember being a pushy little sod on Shepherds telling him I wanted to lead. I set off up Brown slab corner, a VS and put in what is surely one of the most catastrophically shit performances on a first lead climb. Disco legging, slipping off and sliding down being caught on a foothold, scrappling back up in a flurry of fear and thoughtlessness. Although Ray couldn’t see too well he’d clocked well enough it had been a shitshow. Thankfully sometime later he let me lead again. We had 6 quickdraws and on my first HVS, Lakeland Cragsmen he said to space my kit to make it last. On a few Christmas days we’d bike out to do routes, like Overhanging bastion on Castle Rock and the Shroud.
 We did a few new routes together. On the left hand side of Shepherds I belayed him on a short rib, I remember I’d bought a micro wire and he tugged like hell on one of them to seat it firmly and I stupidly had a go at him, thinking he was wrecking my new wire. He informed me that your life was worth more than the cost of a runner, which was another good lesson and if the opportunity to back up an abseil by leaving a runner I’ve always taken it. I went looking for this climb 15- 20 years later and couldn’t really see where the climb went, there appeared no line and the rock that was there was plastered in thick moss. We did do some better new ones together at some point, up on Castle Crag, but looking back we mainly did a lot of climbing up grotty bits of rock, moss and heather.
We’d sometimes argue, unsurprisingly with me being a stroppy and ‘ambitious’ teenager. I remember having a hard time on an e2 on Goat Crag called Manpower, struggling to see exactly where to go. I shouted down to Ray who had done it before and expected him to tell me exactly how to do the move and couldn’t believe he couldn’t remember, I was incredulous you could forget a move. A couple of years later mum was concerned about my soloing and dad would give me a chat about being careful. Looking back it must have been awful as parents of a teenager who mainly climbed without a rope.

​ As we edged towards the late 90s and early 00s a lifetime of physical work began to catch up with Rays body, particularly his hip which made it difficult for him to walk normally and parkinsons crept into one side of his body giving him a shaky arm. Although he struggled to walk he would still bike down Borrowdale to climb and sometimes go for adventures with Yorky who was one of the nicest people I’ve met.
One of our last climbs together was an ascent of Interloper on Lower Falcon in 2002 that he’d done the first ascent with Adrian Liddel 40 years before. The very last one was with Ray and my sister Jennifer on Hedera grooves, also on Falcon crag, and again although he would struggle on the walking side his ability to talk never waivered. He would be down Shepherds cafe chatting to anyone he could at most opportunities.

​His physical deterioration was frustrating for him but he seemed to find peace with it and mum was always there as she’d always been. He always got out and had was immersed in climbing, always getting all the magazines. I’d moved to wales in 2002 and didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked. In 2005 I climbed a route on the slate called The very big and the very small which with our unhealthy lifestyles at that point was something of a miracle but I remember having a chat with him on the phone and he sounded pleased. He passed away later that year, in Keswick with mum by his side.
Julie bailey was a star in organising his funeral and Yorky and Les Kendall gave lovely tributes. We scattered his ashes in a small hollow above Black Crag and his favourite climb, Troutdale Pinnacle. The jaws of Borrowdale, aka Mac, he was a hard git and a great dad. 

​   In terms of ascending rock climbs I’ve used every ethic under the sun over the last 25 years. Onsight solos and trad, preplaced runners dad had put in (he got into trouble with mum when some ripped out that I grabbed and lobbed) when I was getting into climbing, ground up next go after almost onsighting, ground up ‘assault’ with lots of friends inching higher in an ultimate yoyo dog, flashes after watching videos or friends climb routes, headpoint after a quick abseil and headpoint after a good few abseil/top ropes! Etc etc.
   My preferred option and one most people can relate to is an onsight after a bit of a tussle. People I aspired to were the likes of Pete Whillance and Douggie Hall and although training and projecting are in vogue nowadays I thought the people who had decided to hang out in cellars and on the odd sport crag had effectively given up climbing (teenage view obvs).
In the late 90s there were a few climbers who were really pushing the boat out in onsight climbing, Ian Vickers, Leo Houlding, Patch Hammond, Ben Bransby, Craig Parnaby, Lucy Creamer and Glenda Huxter to name some. In 2000 I onsighted my first 3 E7s and it felt like the biggest mental breakthrough I’d had in climbing and a friend, Stuart Wood used to wind up a well known Lakeland ‘E9 climber’ who hadn’t attempted to climb routes of this level in this style at the time.

   Sometimes friends have inspired me with their ascents. Gritstone is a medium its worth being cautious on for onsighting hard trad, the ground is near and the climbing can be quite fast and dynamic where risks need to be carefully weighed up from the deck before setting off. I’d written it off in general as being a good way of breaking oneself, but Pete Robins onsighted/flashed End of the Affair, and after a bit more bouldering and grit climbing I returned to do the same. I guess Pete was brought up on the grit and the routes where you are brought up can mean a lot to you, I know Dawes attempted to onsight the first ascent before resorting to a top rope. Will Perrin once said of Pete Robins that at certain things he's one of the best climbers in the world and this was a true observation.  
  Nowadays I enjoy my time on the abseil rope checking stuff out as much as when onsighting, although I was chuffed with my correct guess of Nick Bullock top roping down the Lleyn. The ethics in climbing are up to you and new routes particularly often need cleaning and checked to make sure you aren’t going to die on them. That being said it seems that nowadays a top rope is often the rule rather than the exception with many good climbers I know who have done a load of E8s and 9s in recent years but they haven’t climbed a route above E5 on an onsight in the same period. This might be prudent as a lot less can go wrong on a route you’ve worked but it can also be rather misleading as punters like Niall Grimes just thinks everyone’s doing new routes without any inspection which is rarely the case. I've also made the mistake of sending friends up onsight on routes I've checked out on abseil before climbing, telling poor Ryan he'd piss one and the you realise how inefficient, tiring and dangerous it is when you're going slowly on bold and strenuous terrain and are struggling to place blind, small RPS blindly before committing to 6c moves above. Sorry Ryan.

​Everyone’s idea about what constitutes a good ‘ethical ascent’ is different. For me if I can’t onsight or ground up something then I like to do it quickly with as little amount of time working it as possible, for some others they work things a long time and have a flawless ascent or get to know the route in great detail.
   The odd first ascent of an E7 I’ve onsighted, many more ground up with friends, some routes have involved down aiding to check the gear and holds(like Nightmare Inauguration-  done day before Trump got in) , on routes like Moonrise Kingdom I onsighted the first half at around E7 but checked the last half by abseil. I did think about leaving my high point on the onsight on Moonrise Kingdom thereby leaving the rest as a challenge for a future climber, I knew Adam Long would like this, but the desire for a new route on this impressive wall took precedent and the style of ascent was the absolute best I could have managed to do it in.

​  I’ve been surprised in the past when someone who has the lowest ethical standards I’ve ever seen had a go about an ascent where I’d fallen high up  having placed all the gear on the lead, I left the gear in and did it next go, I was quite happy with the ascent as people could replicate it and I’d done the route in a session, whereas preplacing gear from an abseil rope can mean that the pieces can’t be reached and therefore appears poor form. This person of low ethical fibre often calls out people about preplacing gear whilst having a habit of placing gear off the abseil rope himself. Nobody likes a hypocrite, I’ve long thought about this from my helicopter.
  Another time I got close to onsighting the first ascent of a new E7 6c, falling at the lip of a ten metre roof before lowering and climbing it in the next 2 goes, leaving the gear in from my onsight attempt and I was pretty chuffed with the style of ascent. I was down St Govans and explained what I’d done to an old school climber who implied I’d yoyo’d it which I thought was remarkably clueless as there wont have been that many ground up E7 first ascents in the UK, courtesy of Dawes, Arran, Vickers et al.
  Pembroke particularly was where I have been pleased with the ethic of ascents for most routes (bar a brief aiding exercise with Oli Grounsel- a friend had got hurt and needed helicoptered out, doesn’t do anyones head any good), never having abseil inspected a route in Pembroke until last year and actually had aspirations to try and onsight all of the ones in the Leap. I had the three E8s and an esoteric E5 left but as it transpired the bloody E5 shut me down in a pitiful thread grab!. I never would have onsighted Chupacabra anyway and Nothing to Fear is rather death defying now most of its pegs have gone. 

​   Style of ascent is still an important facet of climbing for me and I remember watching Maddy Cope in Pembroke onsighting a few E6s day in and day out in 2017 and she’d be the best women trad climber in the UK at that point as no one else was doing this.
 There has been much discussion about in-situ kit on sea cliffs and elsewhere and how it should be stripped out and climbed without. My personal view on this is that its bollox, unless the protection is so poor as its certain to fail on body weight. Some routes wouldn’t exist without the in-situ gear, climbs like The Bells, the Bells, Subterranean, Chicama, and a ton of truly amazing climbs in Pembroke. Without certain pegs and threads some climbs would become so dangerous they’d only get an ascent from someone keen on headpointing them. For an onsight climber the in-situ gear can offer a potential lifeline to aim for and also show the way to go, and for onsighting on unchalked technical routes going off routes is a real risk and easily done on some routes. My personal view for routes which get headpointed then have gear stripped is its slightly poor form and when people replace gear, for instance the peg low down in Barbarossa it can resurrect the popularity of a climb (its never going to be Christmas Crack on Stanage).
    Having an environmental ethic, like a climbing ethic is a personal option although one that is considerably more important. People often don’t like to voice what people should/could be doing to help mitigate climate change as they may be denounced as a hypocrite and Extinction Rebellion rightly say they aren’t after individuals making big changes, but after the government telling the truth and doing something about it. 

​   I’ve written a few articles about climate change. Tormented environmentalism was the first, regarding people focusing on tiny issues, such as erosion on some crap crag whilst totally ignoring the elephant of climate change and its serious consequences. The 2nd piece was Climb it change (not my title) which pointed people to good evidence such as the IPCC and metoffice, gave people quick ways to make big improvements, such as reducing flights, downing the thermostat etc, and mentioning that in terms of the precautionary principle and intergenerational equity we should all be trying to do something. The last article was about the Youth Climate strikes highlighting that this is one of the most positive movements around climate change (you’ll notice I turn off the comments on these articles so that deniars and fantasists aren’t given a voice- not all opinions are equal I’m afraid and people who tell you this are gullible, for instance some people think the earth is flat, others have an opinion that guns should be given to teachers in schools!). It was nice to see Natalie Berry write an article for UKClimbing about ‘how to be a better climber in 2020’ , with taking fewer flights as top of the list.
  Being realistic about climate change we are set in for worst case scenarios atm, warmer wetter winters, more flooding, droughts, change in weather pattern distribution and big increases in immigration. If you have money possibly the biggest change you can do is move it to an ethical bank. But individual change is certainly pissing into the wind atm, so if you have ideas about getting your government to do something about climate change I’d do so, now, as David Attenborough isn’t joking about ‘great civil unrest’.
 
  I’ll leave this ramble on ethics on a lighter note:
UKs worst climbers on ethics:

1. Calum: Seconding routes French free and saying he’s done them, wish I’d used this trick on Dawn Wall behind Ondra.
2. Birks: All but Jim, Daves like Seb but with a longer top rope, Bill said E9 might be E11 when its not and Will-where to start with Will, stealing routes, toilet matters and vandalism! Bunch of hillbillies.
3. Dezroy, Bullock: Fashion, greater ranges, Dorys & victimisation!
4. Macleod: Top ropes, boulders too much and could be inspiring kids into ket.
5. Barrows, Buys, Doyle: Kneepads and ‘bored time’!
6. Hazel and the wideboys: Fly everywhere for crack.
7. Bransby: Skiing and fry ups.
8. Niall and JR: They don’t want you to know what style they did that E6 of Dave Peggs at Thorn Crag. Why the secrecy?
9. Adam Long: Cyberbullying and once top roped Peace of Mind
10. Reeves, Greenwood, Glaister: Rockfax
11. Tom Livingstone: Banging on and trips to greater ranges.   

 
  

​A 100 good E7s list. I’ve been meaning to do one for years but held off because of not getting up to do Scoop, Chisel and Shadowdancer on Lewis/Harris nor the ones on Shelterstone such as Realms of the senses and Elise D’amor which also look like some of the best around. Dave Macleod also says Hard Drive on Creag Mo should be on the list (as should Sunburst). I guess this is a slightly more Welsh and Lakes based list but most are well worth an ascent and I’ve listed some of the more amenable ones with a minus (-) sign and the ones that are tough or bordering on E8 (or might feel it for an unchalked onsight) with a +, most of the tougher ones are big leads which are fine if you abseil inspect them but nails otherwise. For truly piss ones I’ve put 2 – signs where tons (100s) of E6s will feel a lot harder than these routes and they might well be E6 and I promise hand on heart i didnt do this specifically for the only ones Calum, Posh Tom and Angus have done. Some of the routes are rather small but nevertheless worthwhile, particularly routes like the recent Dispossessed and the old Beau Geste and Braille Trail. I’ve only thrown the Bells the Bells in there because it is a contender for the UKs first E7 but many of the other routes on the North Stack wall are much better (and safer), such as the Clown. I’ve been rather shameless and have thrown in a few of my climbs, but they are some of the best recent ones and most have good gear and deserve traffic. I’m not sorry to say that none of Calums routes in Tin Can Alley or elsewhere made it onto the list.

​ I remember the mental ‘push’ I had in 2000 when I first managed to onsight E7s, starting with Camouflage, De Quincy and The Bells the Bells in the summer before getting the kicking of my life on Masters Wall which I’m sure is E9. I was soloing a lot of the big lakes E4s and the odd e5 at the time and could solo 30 e2s-4s in a morning but onsighting serious e7s still felt ‘pushy’ as it meant climbing technical 6a/b moves where you were going to hurt yourself badly or die so confidence, competency and fatalism were pretty key. Part of the reason for this list is because at around this level often not a lot is known about the climbs, hence you can have the mother of all fuck ups such as Masters Wall getting a grade of E7 which was a key factor in me nearly disappearing age 19. All the routes on the list are around the E7 mark and are of good quality (beware the Craig Dorys ones for rock obvs), Cure for a sick Mind is soft E7 7a with a long sling on the 3rd bolt and would be E8 without this sling, and you go direct past the 3rd bolt!.

​    If you manage to onsight any of them when unchalked and without watching your friend climb it first then well done, many people who have climbed E9s haven’t onsighted at this level or have done very few because it’s hard to do, particularly when they are unchalked which can make route-finding miles harder on blankish rock which is I presume partly why the ‘cleans hands gang’ was once a thing. Of the 15 E9s I’ve done only 2 have felt as ‘difficult’ an experience as onsighting a route of E7 and they were 2 of the technically easiest E9s but which had the highest dose of danger!.  The hardest onsight ascent I know of in the UK might well have been Ian Vickers on Nothing to Fear (Pembroke) back in the 90s, pumpy, dangerous, insecure and importantly unchalked.
    Many of the ones listed are actually pretty well protected, the ones on Dove, Nesscliffe and Pembroke particularly which is why they have some of the better travelled E7s in the UK. Some on the list are on there to try and get more people on them, for instance 2 of the easier E7s are on the Lleyn, where you’d normally expect very serious routes you actually have 2 fun ones with good rock, Deep Sea Spex and the Apprentice. Most of the routes are pretty varied, some famous, some esoteric but all of the climbs are worth a trip for and some, such as Skye Wall, Great Escape, Always the Sun, Marksman, Kaya, Flying Dutchman and Spirit Guide are totally brilliant. Good luck

                     -Rumblefish (Cromlech)                         Violent Breed (painted walls, Rhoscolyn)
-Juggernaut (Glen Nevis)           Marksman (Bosigran)              -Romantic Reality (Craig y banchair)
                 - -Authentic Desire (cloggy)- probably E6 with lots of good small wires (brilliant and easiest on this list)
Flying Dutchman (lundy)              +Dawes Rides the shovelhead (raven, langdale)       -Fifth Ace (lundy)       
-Dalriada (cobbler)                          Intensive Scare(lundy)          Strawberries (tremadog)
Rocafella (fairhead)                   Masters Edge (millstone)
         -Way of the jive monkey (fairhead)                  -Great White (Pembroke)
            Eye of the Tiger (dovedale)              Charon/styx   (fairhead)              
    Raped by Affection (slate)           Monster in a box (Pembroke)
Primate   (mournes)                           Heart of Stone (gallt yr ogof)               Toploader (millstone)
                    -De quincy (bowderstone)                 Borderline   (scafell)                 
Camouflage      (Langstrath)                 Flattery (Langdale)               
Sex & Religion (Gogarth)             Remission (Reecastle)                +Zero direct (suicide wall)                
            Iron Man  (iron crag, lakes)                 Always the sun (Pembroke)                
Over the Beach  (Llanberis pass)                 Vlad the impailer  (dove, lakes)         
      Big softy (Pembroke)                    Mad Brown (wen zawn)
              -Bucket dynasty   (dove)            Dusk till dawn (dove)               
         Dusk till dawn (huntsmans)            Boat to naxos   (huntsmans)       
-On the rocks (back Bowden)        Fettish for fear (dove)           Terminal Twilight   (Huntsmans)                   
Good the bad and the ugly (gordale)
-Nightflight (Pembroke)                      Janus   (curbar)                      Dispossessed (ogwen)
-From a distance (Pembroke)              Beua geste   (Froggat)             Satans little helper (langstrath)       
--Big Boy  (Meirionydd)          -Hindenburg   (Pembroke)                          Clown (Gogarth)
-Wash Doubt ( Pembroke)             Kaya (ogwen)                The bells the bells    (gogarth)
      -Wolverine (Pembroke)              Braille Trail (Burbage)             -Demons of Bosch (gogarth)
             -Inferno (Bowderstone)                          -White Lines (Curbar)
-Wreath of deadly nightshade   (Gogarth)                         Black Lagoon (Pembroke)
    --Horizontal Pleasures  (Pembroke)                            -Broadchurch (gogarth)
Harmony (lleyn)             --Roof of the world (Pembroke)          -Isis is Angry   (gogarth)       
           Box of Blood (lleyn)            -I ran the bath (Vivian)           Yellow Shark (gogarth)
         -Apprentice (lleyn)                     Treacherous underfoot (Treaddur)            +Bam Bam  (lleyn)   
--Deep sea spex    (lleyn)          -Katies delight (Craig y Forwyn)                 -Surgical Lust (Llanberis pass)  
-Imminent departees (Craig Y Forwyn)       - -Balance it is (burbage)           +Peaceline (mournes)
         -We are all learning (mournes)
+The Great Escape (arran)           +Skye Wall  (coruisk)            -White House Wall (gogarth)
           -Divided Britain    (gogarth)               Stone Masonry   (gogarth)     
          +Combined energy (gogarth)
       Unfamiliar  (Stanage)                +Spirit Guide (lundy)
-Thug    (gogarth)                   -Road Rage (raven, thresthwaite)       
       Black Lagoon    (huntsmans)               Mercia wall  (Pembroke)         
  -Nesscliffe Monster (nesscliffe)                 Marlene Direct (nesscliffe)
       -Tombola (nesscliffe)             +Dawes of perception (Vivian)             
 +Cure for a sick mind (rainbow slab)              Flight of Ideas     (stanage)
      --Very big springs (Burren)                                Fuck the demagogues (Pembroke)
 
 

​   It’s only in more recent years I’ve really enjoyed doing new routes, preferring to do as much ‘good’ climbing as possible on existing climbs, but trying a new line and giving it a name does have a certain attraction.  A theme of mine in recent, admittedly mid-life crisis years has been naming some after raves such as The Royal Westing, Ulterior and Youtopia, in homage to the effort of the organisers. If anyone wants an escape from reality these parties have plenty to recommend them, and people who are happy in this reality are either strange, lucky or as my friend Will Perrin once said, stupid. A more recent theme has been on the environmental side or associated links.
  I’ve been extremely impressed with Greta Thunberg and her environmental movement she has helped to galvanise being the biggest ever recorded, bearing in mind she felt an ‘invisible girl’ in school. I called  a couple of routes after her and in March this year people from Extinction Rebellion contacted me asking if I’d do a video speaking about climate change. I told them I didn’t feel super comfortable about that but said I’d call a new climb after their movement. They seemed keen on the idea and made a video released in early April. The first comments on the video link I saw were negative and I had thought it was pretty cheesy myself but I clicked on the 2 individuals who made the comments and quickly saw the last few comments they made on things were denying climate change was even occurring. A sign of the times I suppose, but few things wind me up more and after a few brief interchanges we all had to block (a social media tool to clean up your feed when things get ugly) each other, partly as I’d threatened to track everything they did as what was very obviously ‘disinformation’  aka total bullshit. I have written a couple of articles on climate change for the BMC, one was called ‘Climb-it change’ and was looking to point people to good sources of info, the Metoffice, the IPCC and suggesting that if people have kids they should be doing something about it, with a list of 10 things people can do whilst also pointing out that we had 12 years to do so. A friend Chris Shepherd rightfully pointed out that my article was pointless as we are currently looking at worst case forecasts regarding global warming. The other article was about the Youth strikes for climate which were the biggest climate protests ever, conceived by Greta Thunberg.

​When the Extinction Rebellion protesters took to the streets of London I expected little, although a video on Roger Hallam, one of its founders was interesting, stating that non-violent civil disobedience had succeeded in the past where violent ones had failed and he said environmentalists had tried everything they could for the last 30 years and nobody had listened. It was about taking the capital, where the government was and directing people to the truth. That global warming was deadly serious. Watching the protests unfold and seeing grand parents and students getting arrested for the cause was very moving and when Scotland, Wales and then England declared a climate emergency I was blown away. This group who I’d presumed was a few half arsed hippies had done it. The reporting from the BBC during the early stages of the protests was appalling to say the least. Questioning the protesters on wether they thought it was ok to disrupt ‘innocent’ people’s lives the interviewers focused on the inconvenience when the science was saying we had a few years to make DRASTIC changes, and the government were focused on wasting energy on brexit. Rupert Read did an exceptional job of eloquently taking on the interviewers and some people who tried to shout him down who were funded by the fossil fuel lobby.  Extinction Rebellion are having another huge protest on the 7th October and I would urge anyone thinking about getting involved to do so.
  A common tactic of climate change deniers is to point to the carbon footprints of environmentalists or people getting involved in the activisms. I was concerned with this myself when the BMC shared the XR video link and a guy called Phil Oldham came on mentioning my helicopter ride to Lundy. I mentioned that aeroplanes up your carbon footprint loads because of the altitude the greenhouse gases get emitted and the 5 minute chopper flight wouldn’t have added up to much and that I mainly climb in the UK nowadays for environmental reasons. A little while later Phil comes onto my instagram account with a picture of Ray Wood next to said chopper. My alarm bells ring that Phil was out to discredit good environmental movements I’ve been involved with and after wasting 30 minutes of time engaging in a willy waving about who had the smallest carbon footprint I left with a feeling of high dislike. This smug self-righteous sniper was also involved in another small spat on UKClimbing still talking about the chopper and what I found most remarkable was that one of the dick weasels on the forum thought I should have been polite when they came across as a bunch of jealous wankers noshing on a weakly evidenced narrative.  I certainly wasn’t keen on taking one for the team of ‘pro-climbers’ just because the likes of Hazel and Leo were a pair of carbon criminals.

​ The fact of the matter is that changes need to come from government on a huge scale, showing the truth to the public about how serious climate change is, changing infrastructure on a wide scale and setting limits on energy use.
  I find it remarkable that many parents can’t be bothered to look into climate change and try to do something about it, it seems morally bankrupt (a rich statement from me you might say), so many friends are just pretty much ignoring it, pissing off on some skiing holiday or other, when in 20/30 years their children will have a much reduced quality of life if indeed things don’t get really screwed by then. But why not let the XR ‘plant pots’ and the kids do all the work and just you just carry on business as usual.
Some new routes I’ve had names lined up for already. That Nesscliff project I’d almost done when rebuilding my body from the raves and my wrist from the deckout. I was going to call it The Endarkenment before Ste (the greedy shit) Mac took it upon himself to do it because it had good gear and was much like a sport pitch missing a couple of bolts. As it turned out the slate quarries came up with the goods again with the groove systems left of Serpent Vein giving some bizarre and exposed climbing. The name is from a David Mitchell book, The Bone Clocks, looking at a dystopian future in the 2030s where science and facts are sneered upon. It catches the mood of the current times we are going through, where people take bollox as fact on a daily basis.
After a summer of being pretty unmotivated a new line on the slate got my keenness up again, a rockfall high in lost world had left a large, sheer diamond face and on an August evening with Lewis Perrin it was the best I’d climbed for months and it was one of the best technical face climbs I’d done in the UK. We named it The Fight Back after Carole Cadwalladr’s  crowdfunding campaign to take on Aaron Banks who is suing her for her journalism into his Vote Leave skulduggery.

​  The Great Hack is another new route I did with Lewis named after the Netflix movie which has Carole as a key player involved in looking into Cambridge Analytica and their use of weapons grade communication techniques for Vote Leave, Trump and some highly sinister contracts in other countries. It’s well worth a watch and in terms of climbing the new route it should become a modern classic offering very good punchy crack climbing and a gift at the grade.
The last new route was unexpected. I had a week off work and was meant to be on Lewis (sron ulladale) with Angus but he blew me out for some girl, this was probably for best as its true what many people say about him. This led to a trip to Pembroke with Ferdia and after a few esoteric routes we climbed a stunning new one up the outside of Huntsmans Leap. This starts up an easy corner 8 metres right of Star Wars before pulling straight over the roof, up a burly steep face above to arrive at the exposed and thankfully easier arête leading up to Star Wars for the last 2 metres. 

​After some consultation we decided on calling the new route, Fuck the demagogues. A finger up at the politicians who feed on people’s fears and prejudices. A guy called Dougy from Edinburgh was in Pembroke at the time and asked if I was writing any blogs anymore.
  So there you have some recent new routes and the links to what was thought about: Extinction Rebellion, The Endarkenment, The Fight Back, The Great Hack and Fuck the Demagogues. The fight Back and The Great hack have environmental links because they are against the Far right and for whatever reasons they have, the far right are willing to fuck planet earth completely in the next decade or two. With Trump making sure a generation of kids aren’t even taught about it being a threat.
   I was doing some chores in Bangor a couple of days later when 2 Tory campaigners were there touting their wares and dishing Labour for something or other (giving prisoners the vote mabe?). With a poster of Boris Johnson smiling behind him, a smartly dressed man in his 40s starts talking at me about Labour. After asking him quietly about having permission to be there a few seconds later I flipped out and went nuts at them both. On austerity and how it had effected some people near to me on a very personal level, on foodbanks, on brexit and how it was screwing the UK , on Boris’ and his rotten cabinet’s constant lies and waste. I remember seeing Adam Wilde flip out at someone in the mid 1990s in Keswick and people looked away, cringing. I could feel people around doing the same as I lay into these people who for me were campaigning for utter inhuman scum.  I eventually gained my self control and a nice old guy with a beard who was selling the big issue asked if I was alright.
I did feel alright. I was never going to be a Buddhist as they teach to do no harm whereas I sometimes took delight in inflicting it, warming my back to my woodburner, sipping wine with a warm smile (for instance when I learned Rab had actually had a team meeting about my special blog- so deserving). No, for all my mid-life crisis, anger and darkness I still felt I was alright.
    The right wingers who have climate change denying bastards like Nigel Lawson, Farage and Trump on their side aren’t alright. Mr and Mrs perfect who are ignoring climate change and taking their children on transatlantic holidays at the expense of their kids and grandkids futures aren’t alright. The shitfaces that are spreading fake news and tapping into peoples’ fears and dividing people aren’t alright. The gormless cretins who listen to the demagogues and supported them by doing or not doing something aren’t alright.
If you are doing something to try to make the world a better place you are alright. If you are just a nice person existing in the world, doing your thing while your lazy apathy allows the worst cretins in the world to take over, well fuck you, you pricks. Get involved.
 
 Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you’d like some counselling or coaching on developing a positive mental attitude please email: caffinspain@yahoo.co.uk
 
 
 
 

   It was good to see Adam again. He used to sell jewellery and do piercings on Keswick Market in the 90s and we hung out a lot together back then. He’s got the sharpest wit of anyone I've ever met and he helped instil a level of environmental awareness in my younger self although his constant comments taking the piss about me being from ‘the poorest family in Cumbria’ were wearisome.
   We were sat in the Caban café having lunch when he reminded me of the time him and Hocking had sandbagged me on Trilogy on Raven crag in Langdale when I was 16. Some people say I sandbag now and then but this was a different level with these sods telling me the main e5 pitch on Trilogy was the HVS Pluto. I was leading around HVS at the time and remember huffing and puffing and my big glasses glazing over with sweat whilst hearing the sniggering of my ‘friends’ on the periphery of my mind. I eventually managed to clip a thread at 20 foot before falling but looking back I wish I’d decked out on top of both of them.
  Adam took myself and several friends on our first trips to Wales in 1996/7, generally staying at Erics café campsite, with Adam knowing Eric from previous holidays and who is one of the greats of UK climbing, doing remarkable solos back in the day. These first trips involved lots of antics from barefoot solos, rescues, friends taking huge lobs, whiteys and a mannequin sacrificed down the Rainbow slab.  
   It was appropriate Adam had reappeared in my life as it was on the 1st trip to Wales I did my first route in the extreme rock book, Vector with Wez hunter and this year I was hoping to finish the last 7 which should be an achievable aim if my wrist continued to improve with my recovery strategy. On Vector I remember Wez hating the exposure on the traverse pitch and having to come back to the belay cave, I wore vector shoes that were way too tight and remember the pain and relief when I slipped them off at the top. Adam was also my partner on my most memorable extreme rock experience on Masters Wall where he was forced to save my arse and where the story struggles to come close to how lucky an escape it was.
   A few days before our Caban lunch I was ensconced a few metres from the top of my first new route of the year doing a fair amount of swearing. It was high up in the aptly named Mordor area of the slate quarries. I’d placed the bolts in the route the evening before, in the last 20 minutes of daylight and had almost not bothered placing the top bolt which would have been a truly dim move as the moves near the end are still tricky and without the top one you’d end up sailing back down most of the face if you fell. After a few more minutes the expletives won and Ferdia seconded having to do the last ten metres in the near dark.
   It was a better pitch than I’d expected and we named it after my main heroine, Greta Thunberg. Climate change is one of those big things everyone likes to ignore because it’s likely inconvenient to their lives and/or too big a deal to bother doing anything about. It is however a big elephant or bus in the room that few people want to look at, and painted on the side could be the words ‘your thoughtless decisions, apathy and lifestyles now are fucking your childrens future’.

   At age 16 this Swedish born young person who said ‘all my life I’ve been the invisible girl’ started a school strike on her own outside of the Swedish parliament in August 2018 for 3 weeks.  I didn’t think much of it at the time casting half an eye across the newspaper thinking that the Journalists in Sweden must be bored.
   Since then other youths have been inspired to take action and a global movement of climate protests which are involving hundreds of thousands of people and looking likely to increase to millions are up and running, getting the attention of world leaders and very importantly what she’s started is looking like it could make a big impact. Not bad for an invisible girl who suffered from depression at age 11 and was later diagnosed with Aspergers. Greta has made a ‘call to arms’ shout which has been answered.
  On the 15th March there will be more than 500 events listed across 51 countries worldwide, it’s worth checking out the map: https://www.fridaysforfuture.org/events/map. I’ll be joining the Manchester or Liverpool protest. The youth strikes which occurred on the 15th February were criticised by the UK government as wasting teachers’ time and how the young people should be learning to be engineers to tackle climate change. However Thunberg hit back at the Conservative government, saying on Twitter that political leaders had wasted 30 years by not taking action against climate change.

​The only debate on climate change in the UK in 2 years was on the 28th of February and only a handful of government MPs turned up with the debate itself being inspired by the school strikes. If anyone is in a position to support the young people going on the ‘Youth Strike 4 Climate’ I urge you to do so, many teachers are also joining the strikes and the bigger the protests are the more likely they are to have an impact.
Kevin Anderson, Professor of Energy and Climate Change at Manchester University had this to say about the youth movement “In just a few months a new global constituency has emerged, whose voices are loud and demands cogent. It’s up to the rest of us to listen to, engage with and then act for and with them. We owe them thanks for saying what most of us know, but have been too afraid to acknowledge”.
   Back to the realm of rock climbing there is another line next to Greta Thunberg which will be called the Invisible Girl. The day after climbing Greta Thunberg myself and Duncan Cunningham (the youngest of the exceedingly strong trio of Bros) climbed the pillar opposite, calling it Suck my karma. It isn’t the best new route I’ve ever done but if you look at it in the morning light I think the pillar of rock looks a lot like a huge version of my middle finger which I like to think is aimed towards much of the Tory party and any other spoiled chodes.

​   The 2 big pits, Lost World and Mordor are an incredible place to climb and have a lot of untapped rock, although admittedly with the recent rock falls in both quarries one should be careful. The best day I’ve had in these pits was climbing the 3 pitch new route ‘The Ticks Groove’ in 2013 with Alex Mason and Mark Reeves. It was named after Paul Williams who was a voracious ticker of guides by all accounts and who also wrote many guides for the area. To say he brought the climbs and their history to life would be an understatement and out of climbers from the past that I would have liked to have met he’d be top of the list. It would have been a contender for the best multi-pitch trad route in the quarries with a stunning long corner as the main pitch, but most of it fell down in 2015. If anyone is after slate new routes these 2 pits are the places to explore, carefully.

   Sat in the Heights to celebrate Nathan Pictor leaving to bike around the world I smugly drank camomile tea, feeling self-righteous and looking at my friends Emma, Bunney and Co like they were sad losers for boozing. In my mind I formed a pie chart of my various self-indulgent expenditures over the last year and was glad I’d be the only one to ever see it. Having burned the candle at both ends late last year I had ended up rather run down and it appeared time to get back on track, especially after a friend started to stare at me warily like they thought I was going to kidnap and sex traffic them somewhere.
    Niall was also becoming far too bold…my arch enemy in the office. As I was going to be involved with the Extinction Rebellion group but wasn’t too psyched on getting arrested I was thinking about a plan to use Niall. Maybe to drug him, dress him in a polar bear suit and lay him in the middle of the Princess road to stop the traffic getting into Manchester with some Environmental banners next to him….perhaps the next BMCTV episode.   
   Watching the new generation of super climbers competing in the Welsh Champs and CWIF has definitely got me motivated to try and get back to 2011/12 form, if that’s in a realm of possibility for an aging trad climber!
    It was certainly going to be payback time for James Williams who had done some amount of ribbing whilst my wrist was truly gammy…..so much payback Gaenz.
  I’ll be down LPT a lot from April to start chucking myself at Sea of Tranquility and hope to see Emma do her Big Bang mission. Rumour has it that Ben Bransby and Pete Robins are going to go head to head on trying to do the first ascent of the Top Dog, 9a project on the Diamond, perhaps there will be scenes like those of Robins and Dyer on Megalopa.
  Don’t forget to get yourselves along to one of the youth protests(all ages welcome) if you get the chance, 15th March with more lined up in mid-April and read up about Greta Thunberg, the invisible girl, a great story which is still unfolding.

    We’d had 30/40 mph winds for 4/5 days, the worst run of weather I’ve had on a UK trip. Having tried and failed to get onto Promised Land that morning due to tides and dampness I was now strapped onto the first few metres of Controlled Burning hoping to reduce the Extreme Rock routes down to 6. Getting committed past my first runner a small flake snaps and when my weight comes onto the rope the rock the wire was in also broke. I hit the deck and arrived crunched up under some boulders a few metres back from the base of the climb. I manage to squirm out with help from Georgia. My back spasmed and it took a minute or 2 to realise it wasn’t broken. On assessing a head cut my hair started to come out in clumps where a granite block and tomahawked the top of my head. My wrist and hand were starting to go into bulk and I was disgusted at myself for taking my first deckout in more than 20 years and scaring my partner. It didn’t look good and indeed Georgia stepped over into the sun and started to meditate.
 It was a fitting end to an already unlucky week with my mood matching the bad weather and Georgia having implied my duff karma was the reason for mishaps with the weather, vehicles and obviously the fall. Although I disagreed about my somewhat dark soul having effected my vans water pump or of bringing storm Ali over to Lundy I did think its heavier than normal weight (from pints of Lundy Light perhaps) might have helped the 2 bits of rock to break, placing my sorry arse down hard.
   Karma is not meant to be a punishment but rather a lesson to people who need to learn. Leaving Georgia to meditate I stumbled my rather beaten body out of the zawn before it had time to stiffen up and contemplated some of the key lessons I’ve learned from trad climbing.
​

1.       Build it up slowly: I’ve seen a lot of accident over the years with people who haven’t got their eye in for placing gear well. Start on climbs you have NO chance of falling off. There is quite a lot of things you need to be able to do well, from placing gear, moving confidently, getting acquainted with the grades, not having the rope around the back of your leg etc. This advice is certainly rich coming from me as I nearly spooned it on my first lead. Halfway up the realisation I was on the sharp end set in and I went to pieces and slipped off cats clawing down a slab before my feet caught on a foothold and I stopped. Dad was belaying and justifiably cursing me for having been fool enough to jump on it without being ready for it.        On another occasion on Dinas Cromlech my friend Adam Hocking climbed Right Wall and having found it easy (he was onsighting 8a+ at the time) talked a chap into trying it who had climbed a few E3s. He put in a valiant effort, arriving at the jugs beyond the port hole unfortunately he lacked the energy to hold onto them. I was halfway up True Grip on the opposite face when his grip gave out. With a blood curdling scream he took flight, some gear unclipping from the rope and heading towards the scree. He was in the foetal position for much of the fall and just stopped before the ledges at the base of the climb.
 2.       Get 2 bits of pro between you and the deck asafp: You know what the f stands for there. I’ve seen afew people deck out who only have 1 piece in (don’t say it), sometimes from the belayer being too far out, giving a shit directional pull in a fall. Get the belayer close in but not underneath you if the start is poky/wire reliant low down. Try and keep at least 2 runners between you and the deck when above. I’ve seen people shove in microcams a long way apart then getting into difficulties above where they were reliant on them holding to stop them being on the deck from high up. Get some normal wires in if you can. I often place a cam next to a wire to try and make the cam stop the ropedrag from effecting the wire placement.
3.       Confidence and calm: Normally built up from experience on lots of climbs and having the knowledge of what you are letting yourself in for and of your own ability at that point. Confidence might be the biggest asset there is for trad climbing, along with keeping calm and making good decisions quickly. Most people will have at some point in their climbing ‘lack of confidence’, where they don’t want to climb into the unknown. Having climbed into the unknown a few times and not always liked what I’ve found there I can tell you backing off if you are not feeling ‘it’ is no bad thing. If you feel you just have ‘the fear’ though and are backing off when realistically it’s safe to carry on, just tell yourself you will find a good hold and gear not too far beyond, as usually you do. Don’t sue me if you go for it and you find neither. If you are tired or having a shit time of it in life I’d recommend saving the bolder leads for another day.

4.       Helmets: Wear 1. I was brought up in a culture of not wearing one, dad, friends and soloing. My friend Ryan doesn’t wear one because he likes people to be able to see his haircut, pure vanity. The best way of not having to test them is not to walk or climb under other climbers who can be the ones to pull off a loose rock or block. It seems pretty obvious that a small rock falling a few meters onto your helmeted head could mean you dust yourself off and head to the pub but the same rock landing on you without a helmet can be a life changing event or death. As well as protection against falling rocks they are also handy when you are bouncing backward through granite blocks having your head shaved by them. Should the worst case occur and you lose half your brain the only silver lining is you’ll still beat Georgia at scrabble (this will never grow old).
5.          Endurance: Jesus it can be slow on some trad routes. So slow. Build up as much endurance as you can and quit smoking. Like many endurance activities a lot of the battle will be mental rather than physical. The best possible mental training for endurance is to spend time with people who are both vegan and Buddhist, they are all killjoys.
6.       Aerobic: A big pitch on trad might take you an hour or more to lead, and on some of the bigger cliffs it could be 2 hours walk in with a heavy bag. Then you are bridging, recovering in shit rests, nearly always on your feet. Running and general fitness stuff can help out on trad climbs a ton. Quit smoking.
7.         The comfort zone: As mentioned in lesson 1, newbies should try and keep within the comfort zone for some time before exploring or expanding its edges. For very experienced climbers though it’s when you are well within the comfort zone that many and possibly most dangers lie. How many good climbers do you know of who have hurt themselves or died on routes that are very easy for them. It’s easy to switch off, not place enough gear, become too blasé. Much like people crashing on a road they know well near where they live. In some arenas they call this a Heuristic trap.  In fact I think my fall hits most elements of a heuristic trap; over-commitment to a goal, familiarity with the terrain, scarcity, social proof (tony stone had done it the week before).
   The best case if you have an accident and survive is that your climbing partner will pass you a Buddhist book of proverbs open on ‘Nowness’: An arrogant and proud woman was keen on seeking enlightenment and got told to climb a high mountain top to find the cave. On arriving in the cave she finds an old wise woman and gets down on her knees asking for enlightenment. The old woman asks if she is sure she wants enlightenment? After she is given the confirmation the old woman turns into a demon and starts to whack the woman with a stick shouting ‘now, now, now’.
 
You may find this patronising but being lame are left with the only option of trying to incinerate the patroniser with your gaze.
 
Don’t get caught out when you are well within your comfort zone.
 

8.       Young people: Have 3-4 times more road accidents than older drivers, some of the causation is over-confidence, feeling ‘invincible’, poor assessment of hazards, taking unnecessary risks (and right hand turns). With this in mind if you are a young person who trad climbs I recommend making sure your ego doesn’t write any cheques your body can’t handle, at least not on any bold routes.  
9.       Self rescue: Anybody going sea cliff climbing where your abseiling into cliffs its worth being able to do a few things. Principally ascending a rope using a couple of prussiks. If you’ve misjudged the tide or your partner hurts themselves getting back up the abseil rope to get help might be the only option. If you fall off into ‘space’ seconding it’s unlikely your partner will be able to hoist you so it might save your bacon there too. If you’re going to be in more remote areas then being able to escape the system with your harness is also worth knowing as is being able to do a tandem abseil.  If your partner gets injured on a sea cliff and you don’t know anything about what I’ve mentioned above your unlikely to be their hero, just shout for help, or meditate.

10.       Stiff boots!: You can smear in an edgy pair of boots but you can’t edge very well in a smeary pair! 2 is better than 1, even Hazel can do that sum. On trickier routes that you are on for more than 20 minutes that are a bit edgy if you’ve got your smeary boots on you better have a set of extremely well toned calves. If anyones heading for the slate this is imperative!
11.       Quick pro: God some people are slow as shite at placing kit. It looks like they just whack the wires against the wall expecting 1 to slot in somewhere. Get good at putting it in fast and well, practice on the deck a fair bit first. Aim for cams to be more over-cammed than under-cammed to stop them walking/flicking out as easily. It can often be the most stressful part of a climb and there may well be moments in your climbing where your life is very much reliant on the speed you can fire an ok runner into a rockface.
12.       Cutting it close: Or pushing the boat out, perhaps on a climb which is a harder grade than you’ve done before. People see unexpected gains as having twice the worth as gains they expect to get. So it can feel good having the uncertainty element thrown in there. I’ve seen a lot of climbers over the years going for their ‘big lead’ and quite often you can tell before they’ve set off how it’s going to go. It’s always great to watch when someone is throwing absolutely everything they have into a climb, wether or not they get up it. They’ve decided to Carpe Diem and when you are really keen and switched on it can make you into a different climber. Be sure you’ve assessed everything you can about the climb from the ground before setting off, and be ‘en guard’!. It’s often the first bits, when you are near the ground which are the most dangerous, same indoors incidentally with most deckouts around the 1st-3rd clip.
13.       Mental Health: I’ve lost more friends who climb to suicide than to climbing, they’ve often been climbing pretty well at the time but admittedly their behaviour showed some of the warning signs of depression in the months leading up to their deaths. It’s worth keeping an eye out for your friends if they start doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
    Will Perrin was one of the best rock climbers the UK has seen. I remember telling him that the first pitch of Conan the Librarian was tough before he proceeded to make it look piss. I’d been to Hendre Hall the night before and arriving at the crux groove wearing all our clothes the breeze had died and the sun baked me. He had put no runners in the traverse and said his belay wasn’t that good. Sweating profusely and with a dry hungover mouth I got the fear and remember shouting and swearing at him as he smiled back.
14.       Great places & people: It can take you to some really stunning places, sometimes not that far away. I’ve been to Yosemite, Madagascar, Patagonia but when I get back to Gogarth, Fairhead, Pembroke or Lundy it feels as good as anywhere really. Trips to Dubh Loch, Skye and Lewis are also hard to beat. As I’ve stated many times I think in many respects North Wales is a contender for the best or one of the best trad climbing venues in the world (for smaller clmibs obvs). By and large most climbers I’ve met have been pretty sound too, apart from Andy Kirkpatrick with him being both a Trump and Kavanagh supporter-chodes.


I’m sure there were loads of other lessons I could have thought of but I was kind of sick of the talk about karma and if anyone mentioned it to me in the near future I’d use what imagination I had to send them a suitable lesson when they least expected it, even after I got told off all week about the Buddhist teaching of causing no harm.
  I’d given the Extreme Rock routes priority one for the year and there were still 7 left: Revelations, Promised Land, Controlled burning, The Clearances, Megaton, Scansor and Unicorn. I actually felt pretty good, I’d broken the back of it and the Lundy fall might have been the luckiest I’d taken, it certainly appeared to be a life changer in the 1st few minutes. I tried to think of any good deeds I’d done to warrant such good luck..…I was certainly struggling. Perhaps it was that time we woke Niall in the middle of the night…I’d need to do some more research into this karma thing.
Thanks to anyone who climbed and put up with me this year. Next year, I’ll put it to bed, or die trying.
Trips for any friends next year are 3 days in the Burren then onto the Fairhead meet from there and 10 days on Lewis in early August, Sron Ulladale then the sea cliffs. There might be a free ticket to Lundy in late March if anyone is keen too!
  
 
 

   One of the best quotes regarding peoples’ attitude towards the environment that I’ve heard is from David Mitchell in the Peep Show.
​
“if we don’t like the evidence we are seeing why not just ignore it, like the environment”.
 
 I used to see myself as environmentally minded, trying to minimise consumption of fossil fuel use, waste, heat and even giving lectures at Plas Y Brenin for a while on the risks of climate change, I used to love depressing people given the chance. The talk would look at the IPCCs (inter-governmental panel on climate change) predictions, the Stern report (2006) was just out giving a very similar outlook. Big changes in weather pattern distribution, increased extreme weather events, displacement of many millions of people. It was a rotten old list. Nigel Lawson brought out a ludicrous programme called the Great Climate swindle at the time saying it was solar flares but the Met office disagreed quite strongly with this idea. That the guy was chancellor is a fact I find quite disturbing as I doubt he based his decisions on any evidence.
​

  At some point in time, and I can’t be certain when it occurred I did exactly what David Mitchell said regarding the environment and just started to ignore it. Hedonism at its best, flights left right and centre, rarely sharing a lift so I can play decomposed tecno at full volume, buying any shit without any thought for where it was sourced. Those grand ideas of ‘inter-generational equity’ and the ‘precautionary principle’ (the idea of not causing harm to the environment which will effect future individuals) really had gotten blown out of my diesel exhaust.
   There was a pretty condemning experience I had in the not too distant past! To contrast myself with my friend Glyn Hudson who is probably the climber I most admire for the environmental ethic he carries with him at all times. Such a good egg. I follow Glyn on the usual social media channels and he puts on his electric car journeys; levels of convenience, cheapness, a kind of 'how to' guide.
   He is an electrical engineer and him and his physicist friend Trystan Lea have a company called Megni  and the open energy monitoring project. My only environmental investment to date has been into this company as I’ve never met anyone as dedicated to promoting positive changes by leading a modern life whilst having a low impact. One of the best journeys I’ve heard him do is to get to China on the train to meet one of his component suppliers.
Glyn, you are my hero, although it would be nice to try and get you to tap into your inner bastard at some point, there must be one in there somewhere.
 I mentioned earlier I’m not sure when I fell so far from what used to be part of my ‘principles for existing’. It’s very easy to be myopic in life (short sighted, which as I used to be -5.5 in both eyes I can tell you a bit about), but I don’t really want to use ‘living in the moment’ as a substitute phrase for just being a thoughtless twat. Its impressive how very clever people can become dense, perhaps with info overload, like a singularity of stupidity. They make actions now whilst paying no heed to the effect they have in the future, feigning naivety.
    Imagine that you could increase your energy efficiency by 20% right now, today! I bet a ton of people could do that with next to no impact on their quality of life. Over the course of 20 or 30 years how much less CO2 is being pumped into the atmosphere for that person alone. It’s that volume over time where peoples habits really add up. ​

  The most profound question I’ve ever been asked was in a staff appraisal by Martin Chester, he said: “where do you see yourself in 5 years time”. It blew me away because I’d never ever thought about looking that far ahead and I can tell you it is worth doing.
   Written goals are considerably more likely to occur than unwritten goals, the more detailed and process based they are the more likely they are to come about. What do you want to be doing work or life wise and what do you need to do to get there. Scribble something down for gods sake.
 
  I’ve been extremely fortunate to enjoy time with friends in some of the most beautiful environments you can find. When I blagged Laser eye surgery it meant I could visit Patagonia with too tall Tim Neill, seeing the huge crazy snow mushrooms on top of the granite towers and feeling that god awful wind off the ice cap. We eventually got that controversial CAC calendar up Domo Blanco.
    Madagascar is probably the most romantic landscape I’ve been to, being full of very strange critters and overshadowing in its own way even the great Yosemite Valley where John Muir found a landscape he thought deserved preserving for future generations to experience.
I didn’t actually want to go to Madagascar. I’d been invited by Jack Geldard and thought it was going to be a waste of money. Arriving at Antananarivo with fatboy and Pitchfork we made a 15 hour journey south towards the 3000 foot granite domes of Tsaranoro with the longest and most impressive electrical storms I’ve seen going on around us for hours. Every day you’d see a creature you’d never encountered elsewhere, chameleons, lemurs, zebu. It became quickly apparent that to visit Madagascar was not only not a waste of money but a truly priceless experience.​

Obviously the landscapes mentioned above pale in comparison with time spent in the greatest valleys on earth….Borrowdale and the Llanberis Pass. Christ, I’ve had a lot of great times with friends in these valleys, climbing and larking about.
 I look around at my nephews, nieces, the kids on the youth meets and the students who come on the seminar and hope that they can have similar opportunities to enjoy the great landscapes I’ve experienced with their friends.
  Heading up to Skye in 2016 with Dan Varian we had a related conversation about how long we can carry on just driving and flying about everywhere. The trip was unfortunately cut short as although fast on the fingers and arms Dan was too slow on the pedals and crashed the van the 3rd day of the trip. I obviously have absolute faith that Trump and his A-team will lead the world into a low carbon, clean energy world in the near future.

   A young friend I was chatting with the other day was doing some work in sustainable housing and made me think about what I could do. Ignoring the environment is morally pretty bankrupt as I spent years looking at the catastrophic consequences which I’m partly accountable for, as are you. The consequences appear to be on the doorstep.
    I regularly go to a café in Appleby with mum and I asked if they’d been flooded before. They’d had to redo the whole café 3 times in the last decade. Jesus, I thought, do you just keep doing that?
A book called the Bone Clocks by David Mitchell had a good phrase for the mad max style future which could be seen by ignoring the looming crisis.
‘The Endarkenment’
 (I’ve dibs on this for a new route name)
The anti-science brigade do seem to be having a fine old uprising the last few years, with Goves comments about people having had enough of the experts being both poignant and dangerous.
     My friend who inspired me into this ‘environmental rant’ said they try to be nice and not push things on people too much as a good way of doing things. I knew I was screwed there but think anyone with an interest in it should start reading up, helping or else start building an ark.​

   I thought about what I would do. I would take some money sat in that bank doing fuck all and invest it somewhere useful. I would find someone who likes loud tecno to share a lift with them. I’d do what that dickhead Norman Tebbit said to do and get on my bike. I would only eat meat once a week. Veganism, like Tinder just wasn't going to happen for me, I didn't want to end up looking like Dan or using naff lines like 'what do you like about Sheffield' (Oli G, 2017).
    When someone starts harping on about some little bit of erosion somewhere I’d shut them up immediately and start telling them about some serious environmental problems to start putting their brains into solving. What would Stevie do?
​ I'd get the best minds in the BMC onto the case, Niall could keep us topped up with tea.
   I’d troll those wankers like Nick Bullock and Hazel Findlay every time they step off a flight from Nepal about the size of their carbon footprint. I guess if my sleep deteriorated any more I could form an underground army like Edward Norton in Fight Club, there was plenty of room in the slate quarries to station it. The CCCC, Cumbrian Climate Change Crew, what were those drugs they used to give soldiers to keep them going?
 
Podemos were right. We can do it.
 
I looked at the viewcounter for my website. The impact wasn't looking good.

 There was my sister, Heather, always supportive. Shit, my mums been reading this. Niall Grimer, ha, always there, lurking, he’d be in the BMC office nervously looking over his shoulder wondering when I’d appear to inflict revenge. I doubt it will hurt him for too long. Some people tell you 2 wrongs don’t make a right but I can tell you they are religious types who will therefore swallow anything. As we all know, 2 wrongs make an even, which is both fair and square and always the best bit of any story. Ahh, that lazy git Bransby was there too, I didn't think he could read. Only 4 people.
 
​Well, you have got to start a change somewhere.

​It will do for a memo to myself for now.     
 
 
 
 
 
 
​

   There is the balance that gets talked about in some forums nowadays, between being a good ‘athlete’ and being good at marketing or social media. Sponsorship being seen in most circles as being attributed to a person for being good or great at an activity and/or helping companies sell their products via marketing. If individuals have 10s or 100s of thousands of followers on Instagram+ some companies will want to associate their products with them, potentially giving them free stuff or money and free stuff with some kind of contract to oblige them to throw the free shit onto their media feed or say how great it is. I think the term is ‘influence’. The more followers/disciples you have the better.
 I’ve been seen in the past as a crap ‘sponsee’ and some ‘cyber-wankers’ comments recently made me think it was a good opportunity for doing some serious slagging and putting forward some general thoughts about the era of climbing and sponsorship which we live in. As I didn’t want any potential sponsor to be put off by criticisms of my social media and general ethos regarding climbing promotion stuff.
   Anonymous ‘cyber wanker’ said how he didn’t know who sponsored me and that it was my fault. They said I had shit pictures and was clueless about all things social media which is why Rab decided to part company with me. Now, I’d generally not take any cyber-wanker seriously because there are a lot of unbelievably clueless people who will enjoy voicing an opinion about something they have no expertise in whatever.
​

  I’m reasonably old school in my thinking in that I like to mainly chat about things I think are interesting or newsworthy rather than sending forth a constant stream of human consciousness which the modern era of social media can become. I think I’d argue the point with some of the marketing moguls who have started to take a hand driving parts of the outdoor industry who value quantity of posts people make over quality which is what I’ve seen in some of the sponsorship contracts people have which don’t appear too enviable.
I think it’s also worth questioning wether some elements of the new social media frenzy which have become prevalent are very healthy. Leo Houlding once said ‘the modest man goes hungry’ and it appears this has gone from a slogan for the odd extremely skilful individual to become the ethos for a large % of the sponsored climbing community. I know it appears unhealthy enough that the parents of the best youth sport climbers the UK has seen don’t want their kids involved with it and many other parents in similar position questioning wether they even want their child to be sponsored.
​

How sponsorship works with my current sponsors is that sometimes I may do something of interest, maybe its onsighting 3 e7s in a day, maybe a new route in a cool place or an e9 after a quick ab, whatever.
 It gets on some news platforms, ukc, Climber magazine. Perhaps a photographers been on hand such as my friend Ray Wood (I never climb harder than 5c less he’s there with his camera). I’ll be wearing my sponsors kit, maybe they’ll make a poster and a news story for facebook or twitter. I’m no bear grylls so the amount of attention it will receive will be rather limited but either way when I send the links and pics through to Pedro Pons he makes me feel appreciated and Bransby is a mate and pretty clueless so I can get away with anything with him and although he’s meant to be team captain he seems to leave me to organise most of the DMM trips!
   I’m not totally clueless about social media, after all I need to sometimes spread the news about BMC youth events I’m running and after that brexit vote I was forced to up my game. I was trying to hound UKIP and with the spats I had Ray showed me how I could block people to help me keep my feed that bit cleaner. I never got the # gamblingwithchlidrenslives tag into a proper campaign but I’m a more experienced practitioner now.
   So back to Rab. I don’t mind saying I do have a bit of bad blood here. The marketing manager did say how they would be keeping me on but a couple of weeks later I received that classic ‘standardised’ and rather patronising email obviously sent to loads of other people. Even after I’d chipped part of my soul away for them wearing those bloody awful red trousers on loads of new routes, jesus what was I doing?
​