In 2003 I was living in Wales but all I could think about was this project in the Lakes. The idea was to climb as many great Lakeland routes as possible in a day.  I’d thought about it since 1999, inspired by Big Ron’s circuit in the Peak but it took a few years to take root and develop, with lists I’d make getting tricky beyond 80 routes. There was also a distinct lack of strategy in the planning, with me thinking to set off and finish on Esk Buttress taking in whichever routes I’d please along the way, the route I was going to finish on if I had the steam won’t be mention. I’ve always had a rough guesstimate of how difficult I’d find the task depending on the routes taken in. I thought I could do about half any day of the week, to do ¾ I’d have to be going well and to do the lot I’d need a fair wind behind me. This was surprisingly accurate.

    A week or so before I was going to make my first attempt on an overly ambitious list of routes I set off on a route called Exponential Exhaustion at Kilnsey. I got passed a technical wall to better flat holds but these were dusty and a minute of flapping found me in mid air. The thread which appeared good exploded when I came onto it and the rock hit me in my ear with some speed. I arrived near the base and Rob Fielding lowered me the rest of the way. He turned away in disgust which made me worry at first that my ear was hanging off but it was only a small hole in my ear. A trip to A&E left me with stitches, a compression strap on my head to prevent Cauliflower ear and slightly dodgy balance for a week or so. It’s still the worst fall I’ve taken and could have been much worse as just before I was going to go for the thread I uncovered a key wire hidden by some vegetation which is what stopped me. I was a little superstitious at the time and took it as a sign not to attempt the solos. This was a good thing as I doubt I would have got close back then, confidence can only get you so far. It never came together again but was always in the back of my mind as; a would have, could have, should have......

  A decade later the scheme came to mind again, more as a curiosity at first, looking at lists, thinking about possible routes and cliffs you could visit. The last few years I’ve done about 0.1% of the soloing I used to do and in the spring 2014 I began to get reacquainted, re-climbing routes like Fingerlicker, Silly Arete, doing 10+ routes at Gogarth in an afternoon and running into the Carneddau for routes like the Grooves on Llech Ddu. It did feel harder. Routes that had felt akin to paths a decade ago felt like they were a much bigger deal.

   When I set my full first list out in March or so I felt a pang of despair. It was considerably watered down than a decade before but still looked ridiculous on paper. I started to work out realistic timings and these made it worse, maybe people were correct about it being a mad idea. It took me back to the book ‘The Life of Pi’ when Pi s dad tells him the story of a karate expert thinking he can fight a Tiger to put him off going near the dangerous animals in the zoo. I was concerned I was being as deluded as the karate expert who obviously gets killed rapidly in the story.

   I’d not booked any work in for the last 2 weeks of June, hoping to get some good weather during the longest days of the year and looking forward to hanging out in the Lakes, visiting family nearby. It turned out to be one of the luckiest of weeks, the ‘stars truly aligned’ for it. I worked on an ML assessment on the weekend of the 14th of June and on the afternoon of the 2nd day where my lower body normally feels like it has been done over in an American prison instead they felt fresh, the hauling and climbing in Yosemite had delivered a good fitness base.

   On the Tuesday of that week I arrived in the Lakes feeling a little rough but with fantastic weather and an ace forecast. I headed straight to Goats crag, a tiny crag beyond Reecastle which I’d not been to before. The views back towards Scafell and Greatend were incredible and I did everything on the cliff before heading to the big Goat crag to go up Preying Mantis and stash an ab rope on top. Heading down I did a couple of E2s I’d not done and arriving at a tiny esoteric cliff in the woods named Macs wall was blown away to meet other climbers. Pat and Craig from Carlisle who had known dad. We headed over to check out Millican Daltons buttress which was unfortunately filthy although I did Cold Lazarus for old times sake, this small buttress was removed from my list.

   The Wednesday was the key reccy day I’d decided upon, the make or break day, leaving Stonethwaite campsite I was going to run up Langstrath to Flat Crags and work my way back to my car. If I choked or was crawling off the hill the idea was a dud and I felt a little bit anxious about finding out just how pie in the sky the idea was.

    I did a load of routes I’d not done before loving Neckband, after 2 cans of coke in the ODG I payed for it with a headache as I topped out on Gimme. On the run between Pavey and Sergeant Crag Slabs I saw 2 red deer enjoying the solitude of the fell top apart from myself. I got down to my car feeling like I’d had one of my best days out climbing. I knew I could do a lot more, having done a lot more running to access Flat crags than I’d be doing when starting from Scafell. The game was on.

   I worked at Eden rock the day after and gave a talk there in the evening. Julian a friend I’d not seen in over a decade came and mentioned it was his 50th on the weekend and he was keen to climb on Bleak How and heron. I couldn’t believe my luck and gave him my rope to use and dump there saving me a walk. Julian is married to my favourite ever teacher Liz who apart from teaching me lots interesting geography gave me some of the best advice as a teen, don’t get in a car with a drunk friend driving.

   Friday morning arrived and I did 6 routes on Grange crags finding more of them in a climbable state than I expected although with agricultural finishes. Later that morning I head up to Reecastle with Ben Pritchard and Rich Heap to get some footage for the BMC. Rich asks if I’ll get lonely. I thought it very strange as I’m happy walking alone in the lakes and am doubly happy climbing alone there. Many of the climbs are like meeting old friends or flicking through an old diary.

   The weekend was spent relaxing. Sophie comes up from Wales and we visit my sister, Heather, brother in law, Richard and Godson Thomas. They rent a beautiful National Trust house on the quiet side of Windermere, near where the Swallows and Amazons was thought up. The Saturday night we spend in the CC hut in Grange, appropriately there was a poster of Dan Osman doing a half lever whilst soloing a big flake saying don’t let your fear stand in the way of your dreams. Sunday I drop my car off at Stonethwaite campsite and Sophie drops me at Sheps cafe. Hock picks me up and we went round to Wasdale and had a meal in the Head with Craig Naylor, farmer, climber and grandson of the legendary fellrunner Joss Naylor. We all chose the Cumberland sausage with mash.

   We hike into Hollow Stones and set up camp. It’s quiet but Mary Jenner, Mark Greenbank and Keith Phizaklea are on the way down and come for a chat. Dave Birkett is checking out possible new climbs on a hill around the corner. Later Rob and Craig Matheson come along as well. By 20.00 it was only me and Hock, my enigmatic friend I’d known since primary school, who indirectly helped start me soloing. Hock said he’d meet me at Falcon Crag sometime in early 1996, he didn’t. I set off up Spin Up and Funeral Way. From then on it opened up a different world of climbing. Dick Patey was in his mid 50s and lived near the Borrowdale hotel in the 90s. He was fit as sin and I watched him solo MGC regularly and routes like the Bludgeon. We were convinced he was ex-special forces. I used to chat to him about good routes to go for.

  I’d brought the tent up for both of us but Hock decided not to, being fond of the stars and sheep he went and slept under them!

   At 2.55 my alarm went off. I’d slept well and felt rested but looking up towards Scafell it was pitch black. I carried a small rucksack with a thermal, trainers, an empty bottle for stream water, some food, a map and a compass.  Not hungry I forced down some food a small tea and set off.

   CB was the biggest route on the list and in its own way the most intimidating. The 1st ascent of this in 1914 was visionary with the kit they had. Leaving Sansoms shoulders to grovel up the crack before bringing Holland up was some feat which dad would speak of in his lectures in the Moot Hall in Keswick. Mabel Barkers and Menloves efforts were incredible also.    

   It was the centenary of the 1st ascent this year and I’d read a great deal about the 1st World War and what was ‘involved’. Herford died in it in 1916 at the age of 25. His essay ‘The Doctrine of Descent’ is a brilliant piece of writing concerning mountain climbing.

 Starting on CB felt like paying respects and the story and tragedy related to the climb was like fuel.

   I topped out at first light and felt relief, scree running back down to meet Hock before contouring round to briefly join the Corridor Route a path my dad had helped build. After a few routes on Piers Ghyll crag and one on Undercarriage wall feeling much like grit, I continue running and receive a stunning view of Styhead Tarn, Derwentwater and Borrowdale in the Dawn light. It was a crystal clear day, 4.30 in the morning with empty hills.

   I track round to Esk Hause and Ore Gap looking back towards Scafell, the East Buttress is in full glory and the Main Face shown as a silhouette. Dropping off Bowfell I arrive at Flat crags, Simon Gee is there and after a quick handshake I head up Fastburn. I run down to Neckband and set about 6 routes. I was only going to do 5 here but looking at a crack at the base called Cut-Throat I thought it looked easy after America. I was wrong, it was dusty, smeary and quite strenny.

   I dropped down into the valley noticing some Bog Asphodel and Sundew between the Bedstraw and bracken on the way up to Gimme where I set off up Intern. I 1st climbed this with Alison Iredale in 2001 the same day as the twin towers. I drop down left and set off up Gimmer String. On the top Steve (superfit) Ashworth is there having bivvied on the top. I used to work with Steve and it was great to see him. 15 mins later I arrived at Pavey Ark.

    I first climbed here in 1999 and arriving I soloed Astra and Cascade before belaying Dave Birkett on his project. He told me he was concerned if he fell off he would hit the ground. He got really high and fell off. His gear held fine but it gave me a shock. Dave has only deepened his legend through the years putting up incredible lines. Whilst working with him and Paddy he would tell us that he was the best dry stone waller in the world. Nay said we but 2 years ago he won at the Chelsea Flower Show. He was the best!

    I go up Capella and Poker Face before heading via Cove crag and Bright Beck Cove towards Sergeant Crag slabs. The 2 red deer are there again on the quiet felltops.

 Dad found Sergeant Crag slabs in the mid 90s and it gives some of the best single pitch slabs between VS and E2 in the Lakes. He brought me up here to climb my first HVS, Lakeland cragsman. Hock was there having driven round from Wasdale and I quickly do 5 routes before pulling back up the hillside to jog to Heron. The climbs here are small but on perfect rock and it is a great place to visit after Bleak How. After Heron I drop off to Bleak How and Fat Charlies Buttress before arriving thankfully at my car. I’d told myself at this point to pretend I’d stepped into a fresh body and was just starting. I stuck on Leftism, the music of mine and Dans Yosemite trip and if you’re into that kind of thing a contender for the best album to have left the 90s.

   I arrive at Goat a short while later and head up Preying Mantis. I first did this with dad who said a friend of his once got his fingers trapped in a fingerjam on the 1st pitch whilst seconding. He couldn’t free them so dad started to go down to him saying he’d have to cut the finger off. His friend freed the finger. Tumbleweed Connection, Bitter Oasis, Mirage and Footless Crow are some of the finest climbs in the lakes.

   I head up a few shorter ones before heading to Grange crags. Dad once told me Colin Downer came round the house threatening to beat him up if he did any of Downers lines on this crag. I was curious as to how I’d be on these ones. Sudden Impact and Rough Justice have 5c moves about half way through. I was a bit tired but mainly in my feet. I headed towards Shepherds and the sacrilege of missing out dad’s favourite cliff, Black Crag was not lost on me. I took it off the list a few days before starting but intended to do his climb the Niche later on.

After an egg butty at Sheps cafe I cover Sheps in the heat of the day feeling very muggy. Porcupine felt hard, Aaros as ever the most pleasurable and by the time I reach Brown Crag Grooves I know I’m tired. Shepherds is nearly always dry, has the ‘best cafe’ at the base and offers great views across Derwentwater. My first climb was on here, Donkeys Ears.

   Hock picks me up from beneath and we drive round to Reecastle, a crag in a truly stunning setting near Watendlath the views from its top are back towards Bassenthwaite Lake. There is a small crowd back from the crag. Maxine Willet from the Mountain Heritage Trust has brought the Abraham Brothers camera up. It’s great to see Duncan and Evon Booth with their kids and with them feeling confident enough in my ability that their children won’t see anything traumatic I feel buoyed. Nicole Macgregor, Clare and Henry Iddon are also around the cliff, part of Hocks enigmatic social networking. Two climbers allow me to use their abseil rope speeding up events. It feels warm and I do 8 climbs as fast as I can. Towards the end a climber asks why I don’t do Thumbscrew as he found it easier than some of the others. I’d intended to but was too tired to do it safely. Since leaving Shepherds I didn’t think I’d complete the challenge. Fatigue had properly arrived. I did a pleasant techy E2 on the south crag, Widowmaker and myself and Hock headed up to Goats. Enjoying the smaller climbs I feel like at the end of a long few days sport climbing. Rogue Herries I’d left till last on this cliff as it was the hardest and I didn’t think I’d do it but wanted to pull up to look at the first hard bit, after a minute I commit upwards in what became the only bad bit of the entire day.

   Feeling pretty battered I decide to leave Lower Falcon, although it would have been great to do the Niche. At the garage in Latrigg Close we grab a sandwich, lucosade and Hock some tabs before we set off into Thirlmere. This used to be my commute road and as Castle Rock appeared in the evening sun the journey with my primary school friend felt a little surreal and brought ‘The Heart of Darkness’ to mind for some reason. The travel from goats to Castle Rock was the biggest rest I’d had and arriving at the crag I got a 2nd wind. A few routes on the south crag meant a move to the north with 5 routes left to do. I really wanted to do a 3 pitch one, Thirlmere Eliminate and Harlots Face. These routes involved Jim Birkett, Paul Ross, Don Whillance, Joe Brown, Pete Greenwood on their first ascent and were cutting edge for the area at the time. Thirlmere Eliminate went well being a corner at the top you can bridge and get all the weight off tired arms. I think I’d done most of these climb with my friend Wesley Hunter sometime in the 90s, we had a load of adventures and some truly ridiculous teenage arguments on the cliffs.

  At 10.15 or so I finished on Angel Highway and was glad I’d had a frenzied hour negating the need for headtorch climbing when tired at the end. I sent Sophie a message. Hock had brought up some bottles of Cumberland Ale and myself, Hock, Simon Gee and Henry Iddon got stuck into them before heading to the Oddfellow Arms in Keswick for another pint. Lucy Wood had made some great food which me and Hock got stuck into sometime after midnight before bed. The next morning I met Hock and Lucys lovely baby, Olive Tinker Hocking. Dave Birkett got in touch to see how it had gone.

  I was deeply touched by the level of support given by people both on the day and in congratulations afterwards on what I’d seen as a personal pilgrimage through some great memories of the Lake District. Some climbs were big, some were tiny, some were clean, some were filthy but all were in the most fantastic landscape.

 Thanks a lot to everyone involved before, during and after for having some faith in a somewhat out there idea. If you get the chance go and climb in the Lakes.   Nice one Hock.

 

 FIINAL LIST

CB     Heatwave 95         Shaun & Haley          Sleeping with the stars              Piers de piece

Wheel of Misfortune   Fastburn     Gillete direct      Razor crack   Gandalfs groove direct    Sweeney Todd    Cut Throat     Aragorn   Intern    Gimmer String

Capella    Poker Face  The confidence man     The futures bright     Slab, ridge and arête      Nibble   nibble  Bright Beck Corner     Confusion Wall    The Tinkerer      Little Jack

Asphasia    Quicksilver     Holly Tree Crack    Deathstroke       Between the Lines

Heaven knows Im miserable now     Flamingo Fandango     Big Foot    The Question    Little Corner   Barefoot    Joie Pur    Traverse of the Frogs

Amistad con el Diablo     Bleak How Buttress

Cellulite   Cholesterol Corner   Supermodel    Reassuringly Stocky

Preying Mantis   The Sting     Paint it Black   Zombie in the Dark     One Across

Fuel Crisis    Driving Ambition   Desmond Decker    Rough Justice    Sudden Impact   Red Neck

Mule Train   Black Icicle   Porcupine   Hippos might fly    Straight and Narrow    Grasp   Poop & Clutch  MGC    Shanna   Aaros   PS  North Buttress   Imago    Jaws   Conclusion    Brown Crag Grooves       

 White Noise    Rack Direct     Rack Finger Flake    Water Torture    Bold Warrior   Gibbet   Guillotine   Gauntlet   Widowmaker

Mort     Balancing Act    Light Fantastic   Pussy Galore    Munich Agreement   Optional Omission    Nightmare Zone    Berlin Wall   Stranger to the Ground    Rogue Herries  

Mackanory

Green Eggs and Ham    Reward    Romantically Challenged     Pinnacle Wall    Final Giggle  

Harlots Face    Thirlmere Eliminate     Wingnut    Angels Highway

Salathe Wall & El Niño

  ‘The Salathe Wall is El Caps most natural line and possibly as Royal Robbins dubbed it “The greatest rock climb in the world”.

   The trip to the valley had come around quickly. I’d contemplated not going as I felt I should be working rather than gallivanting across the Atlantic but Dan McManus’ enthusiasm had won. The last time we were together in Yosemite we were lost in the dark on the top of Golden Gate, bone weary and on a timer to get to the top before the rain came in. Having just got down off Muir wall 2 days previously a 1 day effort to do Golden Gate was unwise but having seen an inspiring talk by Glen Denny about climbing in the 60s before heading out I was after an adventure and so was Dan

   We went with large but flexible ambitions; to try and free an aid climb on the left side of el cap, complete Golden Gate in a day, possibly do another big free climb and if there was time at the end a solo of Astroman. Lucky the word flexible is in there as we didn’t do any of them!

   We arrived in the valley on the 4th of May and between the Ferraris I spotted a homeless person being arrested. Having escaped San Francisco I presume she didn’t have a permit for dossing. I’m keen on conservation myself but believe that if John Muir was around nowadays he’d be booted out of the valley at gunpoint by a lobotomised ranger.

   The new free route was meant to be up Never Never Land and I’m convinced you can pick a good free line in from Dihedral Wall or the left but the main slab will await a visit from Ondra. It wasn’t for us.

   The Salathe headwall crack is something which has inspired me for years in both pictures and stories so with Dan psyched we diverted attention to this.

  Haulbags were packed and having hauled them beyond Heart ledges we wanted to get them to Hollow Flake before coming down and climbing to rejoin them. Just before Hollow Flake it hailed lightly and I idly wondered if I could do the HF when wet and confidently told myself ‘no problem’. About 10 metres from the top of HF the hail came down properly. I watched it pile up on my shoulders and tried not to move my left foot to keep a foothold dry. Dan having been in South East Asia believed he was in the Arctic and had disappeared to dig out a jacket from the bags. An undignified slither down eventually followed and we left the bags there.

   We set off at 5.00am, 3 hours later than we wanted due to some overnight rain. Dan had put himself forward for the monster OW, a British E6 and one of the final pitches of the day. He led it brilliantly and we arrived at the alcove quite battered from hauling and climbing. We ate little.

   Day 2 was a success in every way. We did a long pitch off the spire to arrive at the Boulder problem pitch. At the top of an awkward corner I got spat off and in flight a voice came up:

“Caff, your going the wrong way”

  James Lucas, Hazel’s American partner had arrived on the fixed lines. I’d been interrogating people on these about the demise of ethics in Yosemite but was glad James had come up to offer good advice. Anyone willing to put fixed lines down the whole of El Caps most popular free route was obviously unhinged and it was a problem for psychiatrists rather than ourselves.

  We both flashed the techy boulder problem and headed down to rest for the day on the spire whence Hazel and Walker had arrived. Hazel managed a handstand on the Spire and numerous card games were had. She mentioned that she had a sore shoulder.

The 3rd day I knew would be hard and it was, involving numerous hanging stances, hard pitches and hauling our heavy pigs. I seconded Dan over the ridiculously exposed roof to arrive at the headwall about 16.00 ish. I felt battered but still thought I had a chance of flashing high up on the pitch having not fallen on the route up to here. However, 3 to 4 meters up I hit the inside of the egg shell boulder moves and instantly slumped off, a mixture of freeing, dogging and backstripping eventually led to the ‘in space’ belay where Dan led through to arrive at long ledge in the dusk. Once again battered, we ate little.

  The next day was more like it. We woke to great views level with snow on the plains above the valley on the opposite side and went about making long ledge home. We went down for a look at the headwall pitch which thankfully wasn’t as bad as it felt the night before but was still an endurance heart-breaker of a pitch, especially when cooked from climbing for a few days. The final 2/3 metres of the 50m crack pitch which lead to a weird leg in hole hands off and the belay supply the crux, giving 2 to 3 6c moves on thin slippery 2 finger locks. There is a good shakeout at 10meters and a poor one at 38m.  To do the Groove or GBH at Malham should they have good pro would be a considerably easier affair and the grade the headwall gets should be taken as meaningless to any European. Its exposed enough that a toilet stop is an essentail prerequisate before going near it and a defib may be of assistance.

  Having an afternoon tea we look up to see a blonde lady abseiling down to our ledge...it was Hazel. Although Dan was a very modest man even he could see that this wasn’t the first time Hazel had feigned an interest in climbing to come and hangout in our company. We told her she wasn’t the first young lady to come down and she’d better have some gifts, luckily she brought both wine and cupcakes. She mentioned that she had a sore shoulder.

   Day 5 is time to try the pitch in earnest. At 43 metres I gained the better jams where a rested climber can get some small recovery before the final crux. I was not a rested climber and got spat off. I was a little bit embarrassed about running out of juice so quickly, with Hazel watching from above. I thought I’d last a little longer 2nd time round with the increased experience but no, I ran out of beans even sooner! A rest day was in order.

Day 6 Dan did an ace lead on the boulder top bit of the crack, doing it first go, 12c/d leads to a weird small cave and a boulder problem just above. Lots of cards and tea were had. At night when inevitably all fears and doubts come to call I worried about the final 10 metres of the crack knowing 1 rest day was not going to get my body up to full speed with various days and years of abuse flashing to mind.

Day 7 arrived and after a quick warm up we ab in to the stance at the base. The jump left out of the eggshell to gain a good crack goes well. The shakeout at 38 meters gets used for 5 mins trying to get rid of the sickly feeling of pressing on up the very aerobic crack above. Getting past my highpoint I’m relieved to get some recovery on the better jams. The final move involved a very non text book move using a right outside edge (retains much more lateral stability and edge) on a nubbin and pirouetting round to grab the jug. I was a little nervous about falling outward facing the exposure if I fluffed this move. It felt surprising to gain the rest. It would have been nice to link the next bit as well but would certainly have required another rest day (A honn said it wasn’t much harder). Dan came up and after I’d sorted out the next bit of the crack we had a brew and made ready for departure from long ledge. A fantastic 12a led leftwards off the ledge, like a very exposed Pembroke E5 and some easier pitches led to the top where we saw a hummingbird. After a crippling walk down we gained the pizza and beers in curry village.
   

   The celebrations peaked one Saturday night in camp 4 where various opinions were set forward around a camp fire, I can’t remember where they came from but there were a few interesting ones:

>It was said that many conservatives and republicans should do community service for their injust and greedy policies.

>The Norwegians around the fire were shown to be from the most equitable society.

>People who quote Larkin were known to require sectioning, this came from numerous sources.

>The radio was being murdered from insincere love songs by naff boy bands

>Tax people had the least honourable profession, like the opposite of Robin Hood.

>Many great climbers can get booted from boot companies nowadays even though they’ll have made boot companies 1000s in marketing value shown widely on the hardest climbs round. They haven’t clocked up enough air time via social media sites shouting about how great they are! Its about the selfie not the send Ry.

>Investment should be made into exploring the final frontiers now so we can ship Farrage and his voters to another planet.

>It was recognised that miracles do occur, shown by not only Pete Robins but also Jordan Base gaining a driving license

   When the celebrations finished and we could see again we looked up to the Cap wondering what to try next. Dan was keen for a look at El Nino having had enough of cracks. I was interested to find out just how impressive Leo and Patches ascent was back in 1998.

The most driven climber I’ve met Tobias Wolf and his ace friend Thomas Hering had just done it and supplied us with some very detailed information. They knew how much energy was required to carry an extra kg on the face and made our organisation seem farcical by comparison and we were certainly haemorrhaging a lot more cash.

   The first pitch, The Black Dyke had a reputation as being the hardest pitch and the next 2 were also meant to be runout 7c+/8a. The reputation is well deserved. The Black Dyke is E66b/c to the 2nd bolt where committing moves lead to the crux of the pitch where the unlucky can sample a minimum fallout of 10m, Dan thought this pitch harder than Slab and Crack at Curbar. The 2nd pitch has a 10m runout after the crux and would be E6. The 3rd pitch, the Galapagus has a massive 5c/6a rockover where you’d fall forever before sustained 6b/c with a few sections that look impossible until the very last minute/second!  A bust finger combined with sun/tiredness blew our first go up but the 2nd found McManus on blistering form, sending the Black Dyke, Missing Link and flashing the Galapagus on 2nd.

Jill Byron had left some water nearby for NAW but had had to leave the valley. Jane Gallwey let me and Dan have the water and some other supplies which were priceless.

  After a bit of plotting we set off and climbed and hauled up to the naff bivvy, the Big Sur, we went ledgeless to save on weight. That afternoon we set off on the hard 2 pitches beyond. The Final move of the M&M flake involved a leap for a jug. Apparently unexpected wins can accrue 4 times more excitement than those you expect, hence gambling addiction. This was how the move felt.

   Dan made an impressive flash of the Royal Arch, a bouldery pitch which I managed after some time with a tip ready to explode. A grim bivvy on a sloping shelf led to day 2 after little sleep.

   The Enduro corner felt about E6 and the next 12cs only E5s which led us to the Rotten Island and the great roof above. Dan sorted out the mass of shit gear in the roof and checked the moves and I blew the flash at the lip with a mix of fear, tiredness and shit sequences coming into play. Dan sent it first lead and I was happy to 2nd it clean. We were chuffed to get this forbidding pitch out of the way.

  An E4 and stunning E6 led to our final bivvy.

    Becoming irritable is a hazard of big walling. The rope fankles, the stuck haulpigs, the sun and the climb itself can make it feel that all is conspiring against you. Dan had certainly had the best bivvy spot on the Big Sur but hadn’t stopped moaning about it all day and I was worried about where Dan’s breaking point might be. I was feeling pretty confident that if it came to fisty-cuffs to get the best bit of the ledge I’d be ok, I’d watched Kill Bill and Crouching Tiger on the flight over besides which although Dans tall he has a vegan look about him. Luckily the cards settled things.

   The day after things started well. Dan did really good leads on a techy 7b+ and the intimidating Dolphin (E5/6) roof/chimney. The Lucy is a Labrador was our last hard pitch and all that was stopping us from a clean ascent. The problem with hard pitches high up is that every morning big wall free climbing you wake up feeling bolloxed and with skin which feels that it's suffering from a nuclear disaster. The bugger bugger of a pitch was wet. After more than an hour of stressful drying, working and cursing I managed to spoon my way through it and Dan had a similar affair, narrowly missing out on a flash. It would have been pretty devastating to fail at the last hurdle and it made for a stressful 2 hours. 

   The final few pitches were stunning, easy but runout on good rock. The igloo bivvy appeared to be the best on El Cap although it can’t be as good as it looks in heavy storms as it’s where Drummond got swamped when Harding came to his rescue.

  We got to the summit and shook hands. It was a fantastic climb. I wondered about the teenaged excitement of Leo and Patch back in 1998 over having the route with very few falls. It stands out to me as possibly the best effort on rock by Brits abroad for a number of reasons with the tough onsighted pitch of the Prophet up there. They would have been on blistering form and have had a fair wind behind them to do it so well. It also has a very intimidating atmosphere from the Big Sur onwards with reasonably technical hauling involved.

   Tobias and Thomas had been waiting for us with beers at the base the night we bivvied and we hung out with them when we got down and had a pancake morning. Their help, knowledge and encouragement was instrumental to our ascent and I was able forgive them for being kayakers and just hope Tobias brings out a book on big walling.

Our timing back in the valley couldn’t have been better with a spring party going off in Foresta. We managed to secure an invite.

  The next morning I woke up feeling a million pounds. I’d not soloed Astroman which I’d been thinking about for months but we’d done a hell of a lot of great pitches. With the normal scepticism gone I bounced out of the tent to admire the Vista and looked back curiously at what I’d trodden in. It took me a moment to recognise it and although a bit grim I couldn’t resist an evil smug smile....Dan wasn’t going to enjoy the drive back to San Francisco. A great trip.

     

  There are thanks for many people on this trip:

Dan: obviously for being such a good egg and giving great chess games.

Tobias and Thomas for being ace

Jane  Gallwey and Jill for supplies & Steve for the whisky

Mike Kershner for dosses in the Pines

James Lucas for beta and having a sense of humour

Dave Gladwin and Kiwi Mick for dosses in camp4

Sterling rope for shipping us out a rope for hauling

Andy Kirkpatrick for a morning of comedy

Hazel for the wine, cupcake, tips on cultural language differences and lack of literacy.